Holy shit I hate what the internet is turning into

What is the best way to be the best class in the game? Is there a step by step guide that details how I should go about beginning my world domination? What are some things you wish you had known when you first started playing the game? Why aren’t there any guides about how to fuckin not make decisions on my own? I JUST WANT TO BE BETTER THAN ANYONE EASILY, IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?

I really don’t want to stop playing games but holy goddamn shit do I hate all of the fuckin kids. Not only do they want it all, easily, at record pace, but they’re also the fucking majority! Change this game to suit my desires! “How about you just play the fucking game the way it was meant to be played?” -10000 downvotes, because I’m a giant piece of shit.

Maybe I should just stick to old bad graphics games that these little shits don’t care about. Or just play Arma 3 persistence mods like Exile or Breaking Point because they’re rougher, losing all your shit after being sniped from beyond your view distance.

Ugh. I just needed to get that out.

All over the road… and sea

Tax season is taking its toll on me as well as a visiting mother and grandmother.  But mom has returned home and while tax season has only picked up I felt obligated to not leave the google bots who read my blog hanging for more delicious content.  So let’s get to it!

Xcom 2 was the shit.  It is also infuriating at times but that’s the game man, sometimes it sucks but for the most part as long as you don’t play so long you get retarded, you will conquer them damn alien sumbitches.  My first victory in the previous game was led by Col. Watanabe so this time I made a rookie named Watanabe Jr., and he survived all the way til the end.  It was a weird little fun thing I normally wouldn’t do because, let’s be honest, spending a lot of time during character customization is kind of gay.  If you’ve played the first one and enjoyed it you will definitely enjoy Xcom 2, especially since they fixed Overwatch so your guys don’t shoot at already dead dudes.

I recently bought Blood and Gold: Caribbean which is a pirate game where you gather a crew, train em up, buy a boat, fight other boats, take other boats, sell boats, roam the land fighting bandits, leveling up, looting, selling, creating business and even creating your own empire that rivals the English, French, Netherlands, Spain, or the pirate Brotherhood.  It is made in the same engine as Mount and Blade: Warband, so if you played that and enjoyed it, holy goddamn shit will you love this.  Because there is a whole nother layer with the ships which can actually make it harder.

You start out with a really high tier ship so you do not want to fuck up and lose it, you really do not want to do that, I can’t stress this enough (trust me I have deleted and restarted like 4 times now lol).  Ok so let’s say that oh shit you weren’t paying attention to your boats hull % and after taking down multiple Smuggler ships your boat sinks and you get captured.  First you are sold into slavery and will wind up at either a mine or a plantation.  You will get choices occasionally asking if you want to try and escape on your own, convince others to escape with you, talk to the administrator, or keep waiting (for some reason).  If you fail while escaping it is possible you suffer some sort of stat loss, for instance I died once while escaping and it said the guards hit me so hard my face will be permanently altered, lowering my charisma by 1.  Sons of bitches I just put a point into Charisma!

Ok so lets say you convince all the prisoners to escape with you, once some of them are willing to help another option to signal the prisoners becomes available.  Selecting this choice causes you and all the prisoners to rise up against the guards and storm out of the mine/plantation.  Some of these prisoners will elect to follow you if you are successful which is pretty good, free followers are always welcomed, especially after you’ve lost your ship and your previous crew.  The hard thing is getting a boat again.  If you didn’t make enough money prior to your failure AND put that money in the bank at a town hall, you’re shit out of luck.  You can get a quest off a message board in town to kill like 5 bands of robbers on land for like 2000 money, but the shittiest ship you can buy is like 7000.  It is definitely possible but holy shit it is not even worth it.

The highest rank I had gotten allowed me to buy a Small Corvette for 45000 which is like 3 or 4 ships below the one you start with, which itself is like 2 or 3 below the biggest/best one you can buy for military purposes.  It is not a very forgiving game but you can buy yourself some safety by having multiple ships in your fleet (which is easy as you can capture them from Smugglers and anyone really).  What I do is I switch my ammo to grapeshot which does more damage to the crew than the hull and sails.  So you kill the crew, navigate near them and hold F to board.  Once you board and defeat them, finish the battle and boom, new ship that is yours.  Having multiple ships can help you in that sometimes you pick fights that are dangerous.

Say you see a band of Smugglers in 2 Small Sloops or some other pitiful boats, on paper it seems like an easy win, but you didn’t notice that it was like 70 Smugglers on those 2 tiny ships, that is the dangerous part.  So you’re doing the boat fighting and cool, everything is gonna be okay right?  They’re 2 tiny shit ships, no problem.  So you accidentally let one of them get too close to you and they decide to board you, well shit, now it is like your 10 guys against their 20, you’re almost never winning that, the best one I’ve ever won was like 10v15 and I think it was because I had a gun by then and was just sniping them from my ship, maybe my soldiers were more trained, no idea.  But if you lose that, they get your ship, your big fuckin flagship of awesomeness now belongs to a bunch of filthy Smugglers.  If you do not have a second ship in your fleet, you lose, you’re a slave, life is going to suck for a long time.  But if you do have a second (or third or fourth) ship in your fleet you will return to the ship battle and can switch to grapeshot and reclaim your big awesome boat.

The game has definitely pushed my tolerance as far as it can go.  One moment led me to alt+f4 ragequit which is something I haven’t done in a game in quite some time.  But I can’t help but want so badly to succeed at this game.  I have to be more aware of everything when I play so that I don’t fuck up which causes me to limit myself so I don’t get complacent.  Yesterday I started over for possibly the last time (hopefully I will succeed, if not I may just fuckin uninstall and give up lol) and had such a good start I couldn’t believe it.  I managed to upgrade all of my cannons to the best available to me as well as 2 ship upgrades to allow my crew to slowly repair sails and hull.  On top of that I was successful enough in my endeavors to manage to bank 25k, all in 55 minutes of play time.  It seemed so easy, but once I had that thought I knew it was a good point to call it for the night.  Just don’t want to fuck up and lose again.  Maybe I wouldn’t restart this time and just pretend to be like Captain Jack Sparrow (hurrdurr) working my way up shitty ships just trying to get back to the Pearl.  I do not want that life, I want to be a super awesome fuckin boat drivin, cannon shootin, sword slashing, musket firing, fleet captaining son of a bitch.

Darkest Dungeon and a little miscellaneous crap

Miscellaneous crap first cus I’m a CLG fan. I guess the only thing really to talk about here is that I tried Helldivers with my friend. It is a twin stick shooter and from what I saw in the first few levels is completely crap. First mission: Set your landing point right next to the objective, land, capture objective, kill maybe 15 guys with 15 shots, proceed to extraction point, setup a turret and go prone until shuttle arrives. Second misson? Same fuckin thing. Oh hey, leveled up, cool I think. Mission 3, ooo, now there are 2 capture points and 30 bad guys to kill. After we finished that one we were done, both refunded it. Pretty bland copy pasta levels, wouldn’t recommend.

Alright, Darkest Dungeon, a game that can be so fun one moment and then bring you to your knees the next. I’m kinda in love with this game which would explain the 51 hours I have in it since Early Access. The furthest I’ve gotten so far (albeit in a game without corpses) is completing a Short Champion level (level 5) mission. I later tried a Medium Champion mission and lost two of my guys which made me sad. I have since begun a play through with corpses, aka, the way it was meant to be played and it helped open my eyes to the full game. All of a sudden these stupid characters that were pointless to use had purpose, which really only served to make the game more difficult for the way my dumb brain works.

I like structure and what I mean by that is like a method, a uniform way to proceed with the task at hand. The task at hand being making it to the Darkest Dungeon (level 6) and eventually winning. In my head the best way to do this is to find one composition that I like and duplicating it throughout my roster. So if I take my best guys out and a couple get hurt and need to heal, I can just load up the next team of 4, identical classes, and get right back out there. Now, with the right trinkets this is almost completely possible, the one hitch being The Ruins and its goddamn skeletons. Some places have high blight resists which means no Plague Doctor because his poison wont land, but, if you get the right trinkets (which I am lucky to have) you can increase their blight skill success chance to like 170%, meaning if they have 70% resists, you’re still going to poison them. Those trinkets have helped me immensely in crafting my squads as I can now take a Plague Doctor on every mission which is invaluable being able to dot the 2 back line enemies for 5 dmg a turn plus 1-2 for the initial landing of the dot. It works especially well in places that are more susceptible to bleeds because then I’m blighting and bleeding all them mfkers turn 1 and half of them are dead before they even get to do anything.

But, since the Ruins has fucking skeletons I have to find another way, which is pretty much just, replace Jester and maybe Houndmaster with like Bounty Hunter and Highwayman. I say maybe Houndmaster because even though I use him for bleeds, his ranged “sick ’em” dog attack can do okay damage to any enemy, and if the target is marked it can do even more. Sure the bleeds wont land but usually even in the Ruins you will run into some that can be bled, including bosses.

I don’t really have a set composition right now. It used to be Hellion, Bounty Hunter, Occulist, Plague Doctor but I really like incorporating a Jester now for the stress heals. It seems like my best option now really is to just check out the missions first, find the one I’d like to do the most, figure out what the mob resists are like there, and build a team accordingly.

Anyways, this game is pretty awesome and you should totally buy it bitch!

Nuclear Throne and WTF was I thinking?

Well I bought Nuclear Throne yesterday and dove right in. My first foray lasted a grand total of 42 minutes before I got tired of dying at almost the same level every time lol. I’m not sure what I was thinking, I’m sure I could get further if I made it my main game but there isn’t anything about it that can really make it main game worthy for me. I ended with 109 minutes for the day, I think the furthest level I got to was 3-2 whatever that means.

There is some enjoyment to be had though, sometimes you’re just on point shooting 2 pistol shots at everything like a fuckin robot and nailing them because I’m superhuman. But then there’s also shit like killing the last guy and the portal to the next level sucking you in before you looted that chest right there. As you kill mobs they drop green shit which is like nuclear waste but since you’re a mutated fuckin thing that is good for you, thus it is your exp. As you level and advance to the next level you can pick a mutation which offers some bonuses.

The furthest I made it spawned some big boss mfker that shot me seeking missiles and shit tons of regular projectiles. I feel like I almost got him cus I hit him with multiple grenades before falling, but I guess I’ll never know. You unlock more characters to play as the further you get and they each have their own bonuses and secondary abilities. Overall it is a pretty fun game and I’ll probably play a few runs for the next few days. I wouldn’t recommend spending the money on it unless you’re okay with this type of game.

After bashing my head into the wall that is Nuclear Throne I had a new urge for something to bash my head against, so I bought with nostalgia on the mind. Golden Axe! This was my jam back when I was 4 or 5 or whatever, I was always the green Dwarf guy with the battleaxe. First I tried Beginner mode which is a joke and felt confident to wander into Arcade mode. My first (and only) run I actually made it to the final boss, fuck yeah go me. I had to use all 3 credits which means I think 12 lives total? lol, but I STILL DID GOOD! At the end of each run the game gives you a grade and I got a C😦.

I really have no idea what I’ll be doing today. Maybe some Darkest Hour though it seems like I’m not going to open that game for some reason. I may buy Rogue Legacy as it is like Nuclear Throne except a little quirkier with random heroes every run who can be like color blind or reverse movement buttons or an actual positive buff. Now it looks more like Darkest Dungeon cus I’m talkin with my roommate about how I’m better than him and he’s not so sure, so, I may have to accept this challenge. We shall see, ggwp, gtfo.

Salt Demo Thoughts and What to Tackle Next

Well I downloaded the Salt demo yesterday on Steam and gave it a whirl. It is hard to “review” Early Access games because they’re obviously not done and contain bugs. With that in mind let me just say some things that I think the game will need to address before release. Low hanging fruit and such.

First of all the islands are too small in my opinion, some of them were kind of big but they didn’t have an increased number of resources so it actually only made it more difficult to find them. If there are a few tools you need to craft that require a “rare” drop from a rock node, and most islands have maybe 2-3 nodes, you’re going to be hopping from island to island a lot trying to get them. Maybe that is what they’re going for, a boat riding nomad who don’t need no house. But for me when I play an open world sandbox survival game, one of the first things I want to do is make a house, some tiny little shack where I can be safe in and get my bearings in the game before going out and building a bigger house in a better place.

However, there isn’t really a need for shelter at this point in the game as the only aggro mobs are Pirates who surprisingly are never sailing ships, they just sit near campfires on islands and charge you when you get in range. Man it is hard to feel like you’re giving an incomplete game a fair shake. I will say it has potential, that is definitely true. But such is said about most Early Access games. I guess for now it is too early to tell really and I’ll just have to check back in on it later.

I find myself both loving and hating Early Access. Darkest Dungeon is the only Early Access game I’ve bought that actually finished itself and improved. It really seems like so many publishers now are just trying to cash in quick and work on something else to do the same thing. For instance: Windward. What a great game, playing alone is so enjoyable, I just can’t stress enough how much fun this game is. But then you find out that the two other starting factions don’t expand out of their starting zones (AI problems). Apparently this game was designed for online multiplayer! Where you can feel the lag, see people flying around in airboats you didn’t know existed, and be given shit by those airboat drivers that is far beyond what you should be using. There is only one “official” server and it is MODDED! They changed all of the factions! I really couldn’t believe it when I saw it. So I tried to find info about AI expanding in singleplayer and all I could see was a post from a year ago by the guy who made the game saying that he was working on it or going to do it eventually or something like that. The thing is, I don’t think he’s trying to do that at all. He got Workshop support for the game and was recently pondering on Twitter if his next game should be 3D or not. I get that maybe he’s tired of the game and wants something new to do, but man, it is just disappointing especially when the online play is so lackluster.

Today I am either going to buy Nuclear Throne and give that a whirl or play a new Darkest Dungeon campaign without using any torches and having everyone go fucking nuts. It’s weird because the old me wouldn’t ever give these kinds of games a try. I always thought like, those games don’t look that special graphically, they’re just like the games I played on console back when I was a kid, why would I choose to play something like that? Luckily I’m a lemming and saw some streamer, probably Lirik, play it on Sub Sunday and was enticed to give it a whirl however long ago when it first went on Early Access. That alone didn’t really influence me to play more of these non 3D games, it was probably mainly watching Lirik play so many on Sub Sundays. Which, is actually where I saw Nuclear Throne for the first time as he played it a week or two ago and it looked pretty cool. When I see games like that my first thought is always The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past which was pretty much my first gaming endeavor, playing with my brother all day for days in the summer until it was beaten.

So yeah, I’m kind of excited that I’m willing to try more things nowadays, the Steam store is my oyster and all that good stuff. So in theory tomorrow I should have a post about either Darkest Dungeon without torches or Nuclear Throne. Shit I may even return to Secrets of Grindea and have something about that. Probably not though, I kind of don’t want to go too far in that game due to it being Early Access, don’t want a bad taste in my mouth. Alright, that’s it, ggwp, gtfo.

What in the shit is goin on?

Hello world! Viagra Viagra Viagra canadi4n dick pills yo. JK guys, jk, this is just a drill. It is used to make holes.

Alrighty then, so, what do I talk about here again? I feel like I’ve missed quite a lot of things. Like, GamerGate, whatever the hell that is? I think it might be about like not enough female protagonists or something and it is also tied into like feminist movements that aren’t really about equality maybe or something? No idea, don’t care at all though. Just figured I’d throw that out there since you’re kinda supposed to have opinions on things or something if you want to talk about games. So my opinion is, I don’t care, I care about games and how fun they are and how they mix shit up to make things more interesting, anything else is a waste of my time.

Butts and stuff! As you can see my vocabulary has progressed quite nicely since however long ago it was that I last posted frequently. I’m fuckin smart guys. So smart that I totally know what direction this post is going.

Gaemz. Apparently I was playing DayZ Mod last time I was posting, err, nope, I had stopped playing that and was playing Divinity and thinking about playing other shit like D3, CSGO, PoE, and AoW3. Those games are all fun. Divinity got tiring, we felt like we made it pretty far but it was pretty slow going and I guess we kinda just lost interest. PoE always sucks because their fucking servers blow and I always forget about that until I’m level 30 and the servers start to suck. I don’t even have to mention D3 because jesus christ, I just can’t make myself do that anymore really. CS is kind of in the same boat as D3, sure they’re good but, I’m just tired of it.

I feel like I’ve played a lot of games recently, some being out of my usual comfort zone. I hardly play any MMOs anymore which was one of the big genres that got me into writing about these things. It’s like they don’t even try anymore, or maybe they are trying and I just can’t do the fuckin quest hub to quest hub never reading the quest text cus it is a god damn race against no one for some reason.

I’ve played a fair bit of Arma 3 mods, namely Battle Royale, Breaking Point, Exile, and King of the Hill (not really a mod I think?). I always have a lot of fun playing these mods but it always ends up being a little frustrating because it is fucking Arma and Arma is fucking wonky sometimes. If you’re kind of into those games though I would recommend trying all of those mods.

Recently I downloaded Darkest Dungeon again as I hadn’t played it since the initial Early Access phase. Holy shit is that game fun for some time. I was pissed at first due to corpses and got to like week 47 in a game with corpses disabled. I had a team of 4 up to level 5 and lost half of them before retreating. It was a pretty sad time, but I got over it. I did so by starting over, this time playing with corpses. I really like the mechanic now that I get its purpose, which is to make some of the classes that don’t seem as useful pretty fuckin useful. I always play by keeping my torch at 75 or above because I’m scared, but recently I’ve been thinking about trying the crazy no torch shit. We shall see. I would highly recommend this game, normally I wouldn’t try something that looked so, not 3d and shit, but it was definitely enjoyable.

I recently got the Secrets of Grindea early access game and have been enjoying it. It isn’t complete but I’d suggest that you try the demo. It is just a classic little rpg with fun dialogue. Only played one night coop so far but it has definitely left its mark on me. I’m now searching for other games I can use my ps4 controller to play though I haven’t quite found anything yet.

I’ve played a decent amount of those early access survival games. I also tried Wurm Unlimited recently. Now I used to be a regular at pker.org which was all about pvp and UO and how good the old days were and such, it shut down a long time ago, but this Wurm game was talked about a lot back then as being the ultimate game we all wanted. Full loot open world pvp was that popular tagline iirc. Anyways, that is not what Wurm turned into apparently. I downloaded the server software so I could play with my friend and found the default settings are 3x skill gain and 3x action time, meaning that the game is supposed to be 3 times slower skill gain and take 3x longer to perform actions. I cannot imagine playing it that way as the grind is already so fuckin real. It seems the only people really playing this game are more into Minecraft type building stuff. From what I experienced on the Mythmoor server the game is pretty cool though it is very daunting, hard to figure out at times, and of course grindy as all hell. But if you’re into that, give it a whirl. You can play Wurm Online for free I believe to try it out. Wurm Online is like the official version whereas Wurm Unlimited is like the player created server version.

Right now I am thinking of playing Salt. It is another early access open world survival game. The main difference is that you can build boats, the world doesn’t end, and there are pirates! I really want to build a boat and fuck up some pirates, like so gdamn bad right now. The graphics look pretty shit and I just know it is going to have its problems due to early access open world survival, but, I don’t even care man, I just wanna fight some pirates on a boat I made.

Oh yeah, I tried Blade and Soul a little bit. Holy shit how fuckin dumb. I could almost swear the minimap is the exact same thing as the one in Tera. The reason I fuckin hate this piece of shit though isn’t because it is necessarily bad, though it probably is since it is an NCSoft MMO, its because it pretty much stole $5 from me. There I am, launch day, waiting in queue to get in. I notice in the queue window it says, underneath my non premium queue, that the premium queue has 0 players in line. My friend checked and it is like 399 points for premium for like 7 days or some totally dumb gay microtransaction bullshit, but we figure, fuck it. As soon as we purchased those packages, literally as soon as it happened, guess what the premium queue did? It changed from fucking 0 people in line to goddamn 3000 people in line. IT WAS THE SAME FUCKING AMOUNT AS NON PREMIUM QUEUE! That was pretty fucking infuriating, but the queue did actually start to move and after a few games of Rocket League we were both in and ready to be underwhelmed as shit. Suck a big fat dick NCSoft, you dirty fucks.

I think that about covers most of the shit I’ve done since my last post. I may try and get into doing this more, maybe play weird games I wouldn’t normally and review them, or just say dicks a lot, who knows. Anyways, ggwp.