All over the road… and sea

Tax season is taking its toll on me as well as a visiting mother and grandmother.  But mom has returned home and while tax season has only picked up I felt obligated to not leave the google bots who read my blog hanging for more delicious content.  So let’s get to it!

Xcom 2 was the shit.  It is also infuriating at times but that’s the game man, sometimes it sucks but for the most part as long as you don’t play so long you get retarded, you will conquer them damn alien sumbitches.  My first victory in the previous game was led by Col. Watanabe so this time I made a rookie named Watanabe Jr., and he survived all the way til the end.  It was a weird little fun thing I normally wouldn’t do because, let’s be honest, spending a lot of time during character customization is kind of gay.  If you’ve played the first one and enjoyed it you will definitely enjoy Xcom 2, especially since they fixed Overwatch so your guys don’t shoot at already dead dudes.

I recently bought Blood and Gold: Caribbean which is a pirate game where you gather a crew, train em up, buy a boat, fight other boats, take other boats, sell boats, roam the land fighting bandits, leveling up, looting, selling, creating business and even creating your own empire that rivals the English, French, Netherlands, Spain, or the pirate Brotherhood.  It is made in the same engine as Mount and Blade: Warband, so if you played that and enjoyed it, holy goddamn shit will you love this.  Because there is a whole nother layer with the ships which can actually make it harder.

You start out with a really high tier ship so you do not want to fuck up and lose it, you really do not want to do that, I can’t stress this enough (trust me I have deleted and restarted like 4 times now lol).  Ok so let’s say that oh shit you weren’t paying attention to your boats hull % and after taking down multiple Smuggler ships your boat sinks and you get captured.  First you are sold into slavery and will wind up at either a mine or a plantation.  You will get choices occasionally asking if you want to try and escape on your own, convince others to escape with you, talk to the administrator, or keep waiting (for some reason).  If you fail while escaping it is possible you suffer some sort of stat loss, for instance I died once while escaping and it said the guards hit me so hard my face will be permanently altered, lowering my charisma by 1.  Sons of bitches I just put a point into Charisma!

Ok so lets say you convince all the prisoners to escape with you, once some of them are willing to help another option to signal the prisoners becomes available.  Selecting this choice causes you and all the prisoners to rise up against the guards and storm out of the mine/plantation.  Some of these prisoners will elect to follow you if you are successful which is pretty good, free followers are always welcomed, especially after you’ve lost your ship and your previous crew.  The hard thing is getting a boat again.  If you didn’t make enough money prior to your failure AND put that money in the bank at a town hall, you’re shit out of luck.  You can get a quest off a message board in town to kill like 5 bands of robbers on land for like 2000 money, but the shittiest ship you can buy is like 7000.  It is definitely possible but holy shit it is not even worth it.

The highest rank I had gotten allowed me to buy a Small Corvette for 45000 which is like 3 or 4 ships below the one you start with, which itself is like 2 or 3 below the biggest/best one you can buy for military purposes.  It is not a very forgiving game but you can buy yourself some safety by having multiple ships in your fleet (which is easy as you can capture them from Smugglers and anyone really).  What I do is I switch my ammo to grapeshot which does more damage to the crew than the hull and sails.  So you kill the crew, navigate near them and hold F to board.  Once you board and defeat them, finish the battle and boom, new ship that is yours.  Having multiple ships can help you in that sometimes you pick fights that are dangerous.

Say you see a band of Smugglers in 2 Small Sloops or some other pitiful boats, on paper it seems like an easy win, but you didn’t notice that it was like 70 Smugglers on those 2 tiny ships, that is the dangerous part.  So you’re doing the boat fighting and cool, everything is gonna be okay right?  They’re 2 tiny shit ships, no problem.  So you accidentally let one of them get too close to you and they decide to board you, well shit, now it is like your 10 guys against their 20, you’re almost never winning that, the best one I’ve ever won was like 10v15 and I think it was because I had a gun by then and was just sniping them from my ship, maybe my soldiers were more trained, no idea.  But if you lose that, they get your ship, your big fuckin flagship of awesomeness now belongs to a bunch of filthy Smugglers.  If you do not have a second ship in your fleet, you lose, you’re a slave, life is going to suck for a long time.  But if you do have a second (or third or fourth) ship in your fleet you will return to the ship battle and can switch to grapeshot and reclaim your big awesome boat.

The game has definitely pushed my tolerance as far as it can go.  One moment led me to alt+f4 ragequit which is something I haven’t done in a game in quite some time.  But I can’t help but want so badly to succeed at this game.  I have to be more aware of everything when I play so that I don’t fuck up which causes me to limit myself so I don’t get complacent.  Yesterday I started over for possibly the last time (hopefully I will succeed, if not I may just fuckin uninstall and give up lol) and had such a good start I couldn’t believe it.  I managed to upgrade all of my cannons to the best available to me as well as 2 ship upgrades to allow my crew to slowly repair sails and hull.  On top of that I was successful enough in my endeavors to manage to bank 25k, all in 55 minutes of play time.  It seemed so easy, but once I had that thought I knew it was a good point to call it for the night.  Just don’t want to fuck up and lose again.  Maybe I wouldn’t restart this time and just pretend to be like Captain Jack Sparrow (hurrdurr) working my way up shitty ships just trying to get back to the Pearl.  I do not want that life, I want to be a super awesome fuckin boat drivin, cannon shootin, sword slashing, musket firing, fleet captaining son of a bitch.

Aaaaand I’m bored

Right on time!

I am tired of Diablo 2, shocking, I know. I hate when you play a game long enough to begin questioning it. What am I gonna do today? Well I can play this guy and find items, this guy and find items, or this guy and find items…. So I have found myself playing CS and CS:S again, getting in some of that bang bang boom and such. Little bit of boom bam bing.

I just got back from a vacation to North Carolina to see my mom. The drive took quite a bit out of me but it’s always cool to look at the distance you traveled on a map and compare it to a globe or something. One day I’m on a big ass mountain covered in snow and the next I’m in Florida sweating. I saw about 30 elk at once which was pretty neat. They all had tracking collars and shit due to being reintroduced to the Great Smokey Mountain National Park in 2001. There were 50 of them then and now there are around 125. There was a park ranger talking to people about them with props and shit. She said: “They also eat a lot of insects, which is why there are insects in *reaches for a container* this poop *moves poop around with finger*.” I wasn’t kidding about the shit, you see.

I watched some old VHS tapes at my moms and Return of the Jedi was on one of them. I’ve since been fiending for some Star Wars action of some sort. I don’t know if I can bring myself to play SWG again, in fact I think I can’t. I’m just going to have to wait for the new one and it better feel like the Star Wars universe, because SWG gave me that feeling all the time, and if SWG can do it then these new school motherfuckers should be able to.

DAoC can no longer be played, it’s done, and I’m going to miss it. Warhammer pops into my mind from time to time but I should know it is a pretty hollow feeling game, so I doubt I’ll play that again. EQ2 never rubbed me the right way, so I’m done with that. Anarchy Online is ancient and Diablo 2-esque in that you’re just leveling and looking for items in an old ass game. There just doesn’t seem to be very much to choose from.

The game I’m most leaning toward is AoC because I’ve still never played it. I’m a bit worried about the directional swinging shit but I’m a big boy and should be able to figure it out. There is also Aion but I think I’m going to give that game a bit of time as well before playing it, I’ve always known that it’s a good idea to do that but I’ve not really done it.

That’s about all I’ve got for you, wieners and biscuits and stuff!

I don’t get it

I haven’t even played this game but I’m still on the side that’s against it because, why the fuck not? It’s obvious this game has issues as they’re mentioned in both reviews! DUH! I don’t want to hear reasonable answers as to why the negativity surrounding those “issues” is opinion, that’s bullcrap! Seriously, what are there like 5 of you frothing at the mouth fanboy neckbeards trying to convince me to have an open mind? You need more than 5 to do that, newb! No this game shouldn’t be treated like a niche title because that’s just stupid bullshit! I don’t know when you guys are going to pull your heads out of your asses and realize that it is just a straight up bonafied bad game. Interfaces aren’t supposed to be cumbersome. Everything is supposed to be futuristic and easy as all fuckin hell so I can sit my 2 year old in front of it and tell him to hit this one button while daddy goes and drops a deuce. That is what gaming is my friends, not this, you’re supposed to take a long time to loot so that you run the RISK of getting the REWARD shit. That shit is just fuckin stupid you retards.

So I don’t like vegetables, most of them anyway. Guess what that means? That means that EVERY FUCKIN VEGETABLE I DONT LIKE IS A STUPID FUCKING WASTE OF ANYTHING IT COULD POSSIBLY USE AND ANYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH ME IS FUCKIN STUPID AS SHIT, YO.

“Yeah, I played the game but boy am I glad I got out of there. It totally sucked bawls teehee. I mainly left because of the company.”
NOT BECAUSE I SUCKED.

When I run into people who hate counter strike, guess what the three main problems are?
I don’t like FPSes.
I prefer more realistic Rogue Spear type FPSes.
I sucked fucking huge ass and instead of taking the time to figure it out I slammed my hands on my ALT+F4 keys and uninstalled that POS faster than they could say newb, again.

Fucking admit it you pussies. Stop trying to save your e-cred and admit that you got fucking raped and couldn’t take it with the pwn. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, unlike some games. Guess what? That doesn’t make the game a bad game just because you don’t like it. You know what makes a game a bad game? When nobody wants to play it.

Why do we have to hate people because they play a game we’ve either heard of or played previously? Seriously? What are we a bunch of fuckin 4 year olds? PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT TASTES THAN YOU AND IT DOES NOT MAKE THEM ANY MORE WRONG THAN IT MAKES YOU RIGHT, YOU FUCKING MORON. Sorry, you’re just some fuckin loser who writes down bullshit on the internet for people to read, just like me.

I’m a lot like Sandals (flippity flewp)

Man, I’ve already got a job. I really don’t want to have to analyze my games that goddamn much. It ruins my fun by trying to find fun.

When I reached what would normally be fun in DAoC, I didn’t even remember the encounter (a.k.a. THE FUN). It wasn’t fun because I was trying to hard to have fun, if that makes sense.

So here is a short list that sucks a lot of ass, you butthole:
1) DAOC – 6 hours until fun
2) Warhammer – Instant fun
3) Battlefield 2 – A few games until you have fun

There, are you happy now? I IS!