What in the shit is goin on?

Hello world! Viagra Viagra Viagra canadi4n dick pills yo. JK guys, jk, this is just a drill. It is used to make holes.

Alrighty then, so, what do I talk about here again? I feel like I’ve missed quite a lot of things. Like, GamerGate, whatever the hell that is? I think it might be about like not enough female protagonists or something and it is also tied into like feminist movements that aren’t really about equality maybe or something? No idea, don’t care at all though. Just figured I’d throw that out there since you’re kinda supposed to have opinions on things or something if you want to talk about games. So my opinion is, I don’t care, I care about games and how fun they are and how they mix shit up to make things more interesting, anything else is a waste of my time.

Butts and stuff! As you can see my vocabulary has progressed quite nicely since however long ago it was that I last posted frequently. I’m fuckin smart guys. So smart that I totally know what direction this post is going.

Gaemz. Apparently I was playing DayZ Mod last time I was posting, err, nope, I had stopped playing that and was playing Divinity and thinking about playing other shit like D3, CSGO, PoE, and AoW3. Those games are all fun. Divinity got tiring, we felt like we made it pretty far but it was pretty slow going and I guess we kinda just lost interest. PoE always sucks because their fucking servers blow and I always forget about that until I’m level 30 and the servers start to suck. I don’t even have to mention D3 because jesus christ, I just can’t make myself do that anymore really. CS is kind of in the same boat as D3, sure they’re good but, I’m just tired of it.

I feel like I’ve played a lot of games recently, some being out of my usual comfort zone. I hardly play any MMOs anymore which was one of the big genres that got me into writing about these things. It’s like they don’t even try anymore, or maybe they are trying and I just can’t do the fuckin quest hub to quest hub never reading the quest text cus it is a god damn race against no one for some reason.

I’ve played a fair bit of Arma 3 mods, namely Battle Royale, Breaking Point, Exile, and King of the Hill (not really a mod I think?). I always have a lot of fun playing these mods but it always ends up being a little frustrating because it is fucking Arma and Arma is fucking wonky sometimes. If you’re kind of into those games though I would recommend trying all of those mods.

Recently I downloaded Darkest Dungeon again as I hadn’t played it since the initial Early Access phase. Holy shit is that game fun for some time. I was pissed at first due to corpses and got to like week 47 in a game with corpses disabled. I had a team of 4 up to level 5 and lost half of them before retreating. It was a pretty sad time, but I got over it. I did so by starting over, this time playing with corpses. I really like the mechanic now that I get its purpose, which is to make some of the classes that don’t seem as useful pretty fuckin useful. I always play by keeping my torch at 75 or above because I’m scared, but recently I’ve been thinking about trying the crazy no torch shit. We shall see. I would highly recommend this game, normally I wouldn’t try something that looked so, not 3d and shit, but it was definitely enjoyable.

I recently got the Secrets of Grindea early access game and have been enjoying it. It isn’t complete but I’d suggest that you try the demo. It is just a classic little rpg with fun dialogue. Only played one night coop so far but it has definitely left its mark on me. I’m now searching for other games I can use my ps4 controller to play though I haven’t quite found anything yet.

I’ve played a decent amount of those early access survival games. I also tried Wurm Unlimited recently. Now I used to be a regular at pker.org which was all about pvp and UO and how good the old days were and such, it shut down a long time ago, but this Wurm game was talked about a lot back then as being the ultimate game we all wanted. Full loot open world pvp was that popular tagline iirc. Anyways, that is not what Wurm turned into apparently. I downloaded the server software so I could play with my friend and found the default settings are 3x skill gain and 3x action time, meaning that the game is supposed to be 3 times slower skill gain and take 3x longer to perform actions. I cannot imagine playing it that way as the grind is already so fuckin real. It seems the only people really playing this game are more into Minecraft type building stuff. From what I experienced on the Mythmoor server the game is pretty cool though it is very daunting, hard to figure out at times, and of course grindy as all hell. But if you’re into that, give it a whirl. You can play Wurm Online for free I believe to try it out. Wurm Online is like the official version whereas Wurm Unlimited is like the player created server version.

Right now I am thinking of playing Salt. It is another early access open world survival game. The main difference is that you can build boats, the world doesn’t end, and there are pirates! I really want to build a boat and fuck up some pirates, like so gdamn bad right now. The graphics look pretty shit and I just know it is going to have its problems due to early access open world survival, but, I don’t even care man, I just wanna fight some pirates on a boat I made.

Oh yeah, I tried Blade and Soul a little bit. Holy shit how fuckin dumb. I could almost swear the minimap is the exact same thing as the one in Tera. The reason I fuckin hate this piece of shit though isn’t because it is necessarily bad, though it probably is since it is an NCSoft MMO, its because it pretty much stole $5 from me. There I am, launch day, waiting in queue to get in. I notice in the queue window it says, underneath my non premium queue, that the premium queue has 0 players in line. My friend checked and it is like 399 points for premium for like 7 days or some totally dumb gay microtransaction bullshit, but we figure, fuck it. As soon as we purchased those packages, literally as soon as it happened, guess what the premium queue did? It changed from fucking 0 people in line to goddamn 3000 people in line. IT WAS THE SAME FUCKING AMOUNT AS NON PREMIUM QUEUE! That was pretty fucking infuriating, but the queue did actually start to move and after a few games of Rocket League we were both in and ready to be underwhelmed as shit. Suck a big fat dick NCSoft, you dirty fucks.

I think that about covers most of the shit I’ve done since my last post. I may try and get into doing this more, maybe play weird games I wouldn’t normally and review them, or just say dicks a lot, who knows. Anyways, ggwp.

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Cry Moar Newb

So, kid goes deaf, guild kicks deaf kid because he can’t use vent, deaf kid runs to the intarwebs for HEYLP! and of course we coddle the poor wittle baby. Well, fuck that shit. If you wanna play competitive basketball, guess what? YOU NEED LEGS. If you don’t have legs? I think they’ve got some vroom on the squad for ya.

Getting kicked wasn’t even a big deal. I mean shit, the guy said that they weren’t even good at raiding, so has he always thought that they sucked? Maybe he pissed a few people off at one time or another for not being as super leet competitive as him? Who knows. All I know is I’m not jumping on the pity the deaf kid bandwagon because sometimes shit happens. Some people lose an arm, some people get a tumor, others become paralyzed in car accidents.

Now don’t get me wrong. I understand why this is oh so shocking and omg how can they be so heartless, you’re forgetting about the human behind the character!
No, they’re not. The human behind the character is now broken which translates directly to the character. The reason the character is going to suck is because of the person.

Jumping the gun assuming he’s going to suck? Sure. But, is it really that far fetched to believe that it could be a problem? Would you want to have to adapt your guild for one player?

I fuckin wouldn’t.

Look at his post, he says he had to explain why he was gone for a while. What does that mean? That he didn’t explain before he left. Did he have any responsibilities prior to this? I don’t know. Do you just disappear off the face of the earth without telling your “friends” why?

Maybe the day before deaf kid returned to WoW the guild leader began implementing more rules involving using vent? Maybe in his absence they had developed different ways to tackle things via communicating more? Maybe he was going to fuck their new shit up that was working just fine without him?

If you’ve got 4 holes for screws and 5 screws, you don’t drill a 5th hole just so you don’t have to put a screw back, you put the fuckin screw back.

Here’s another thought. The guys character name is Unwelcome. Did anyone else notice that? The guy named Unwelcome is telling a story about not being welcome? REALLY? Did anyone even realize this before they became so gung-ho about how wrong it is to do that?

If it isn’t fake then what are the odds that he made that character a while ago and is now in the middle of this?

If that isn’t the case, did he pay money for a name change? What does that say to you? If he paid money to change his name to Unwelcome to tell a sob story about how you should feel bad for him, what does that say to you?

I’m now doubting that it is real. But, if it is real, then seriously why is this such a big fucking deal? Read the comments. People are telling him he should get in vent because you can use text in vent, so they say he should get in vent and “meet the guilds requirement” and then have them type to him and meet his needs. Seriously? If I was a guild leader, I would totally say fuck that shit in the ass. Sorry for your luck guy, but stop being such a fuckin baby about it. To the “aww poor baby” people, stop it, I mean come on. Not everyone plays games to relax and slowly quest with butterflies and rainbows and nothing in the world could possibly be wrong cus fantasy land is so fantastic! That may seem condescending, but it is only because you are being condescending on the thought of playing a game competitively (aka seriously). Some people do that, and when you do that, you need everyone to follow the same damn protocol if you can’t meet it then tough shit.

I am just so tired of this shit. OMG MY RETARD BABY WITH 5 ARMS DIDN’T MAKE THE CHEERLEADING SQUAD? I’M GOING TO SUE THE SCHOOL BOARD! Fuck off. Life is tough and fuckin sucks sometimes, suck it up and do your best.

Angerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr RABBLE!

EA RUINS FUCKING EVERYTHING

Oh my fucking god I have never been so fucking pissed in my 10 years of MMO gaming.

Well what’s the problem bonedead?

EA fucking sucks, that’s what.

Okay so I have a trial account to UO right? Right. I want to place a house, oh, trial accounts can’t do that. Okay, that makes sense. I guess I’ll just upgrade my account. So here I am trying to figure out how this works. Okay, there are about 10 fucking versions of UO and apparently you can’t buy them all at once. Good fucking thing! Okay well lets just buy this new Stygian Abyss shit. 39.99 with 1 month subscription included, cool. Oh wait, TRIAL ACCOUNTS CANNOT USE THIS, ONLY BRAND NEW ACCOUNTS. YOU ONLY GET A FREE MONTH IF YOU DON’T TRY THE GAME FIRST. Wow, that is fucking new. Apparently EA knows how to spend their money, hiring the stupidest fucking retards ever (or already employing them and maybe promoting them).

Okay, fine, I will pay 29.99 for the game only and then an additional 13 bucks for 1 month, fuck it. Okay we go to the EA store and are asked to log in. Hmm, my UO account login and password doesn’t work. Okay, let’s try the other store, UOgamecodes. Hey this one lets me log in using my account info, cool beans! Okay let’s try and buy this shit. Error. Your account is less than 30 days old and that means you cannot buy anything from here. Well that doesn’t make any fucking sense. I know, I’ll try the new user one for 39.99, because my account is too new to upgrade, so I must still be considered a new user, right? Nope, can’t buy fucking shit.

So I go back to the EA store website. See near the bottom of the login screen that I may have an old school EA account that isn’t an email address login name. Hey what do you know, I am. Well now my fucking password doesn’t work. Okay, reset that. Log in, decide to look for a bundled package for all the UO titles again, no dice. Find the game, start the buying process. Click submit. Okay, apparently submit now means complete my purchase without confirmation prior to the fact. Cool, let me go run to the bank at 6AM and move some money around. Okay, so now I have a game code to add to my account.

I log in, add the game code to my account, log out, and open the game. I try to place a house. I am still a trial account and I cannot place a fucking house. Seriously, what the fuck? I go back to the account site, look at my games, Stygian Abyss is listed as Not Registered. WHAT THE FUCK? I go to my email, find the code, go back, paste it in, do it alll over again. Okay, log out. Log back in, check to see if it is listed as Registered. It is. Log into the game. Try to place house. DENIED, STILL A TRIAL ACCOUNT.

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

This is the most bullshit I have ever had to deal with to buy and play an MMO. WHY ISNT THERE A FUCKING BUNDLED PACKAGE? WHY DO I NEED 20 FUCKING ACCOUNTS TO PLAY 10 FUCKING GAMES? WHY DID I JUST SPEND $50.00 TO STILL BE A TRIAL ACCOUNT?

EA I never really had anything against you until now. But now I know just how stupid and shitty you really are. Thanks for attempting to ruin my favorite gaming genre, dickface.

Aion – The other white meat

I’m getting a little wary of Aion. I keep seeing all of this hullabaloo about the grind getting so horrible the further you get. I don’t think I’m seeing it yet, though I am probably getting close. I say this because the new areas I reach keep having fewer and fewer quests (I’ve since discovered the top half of Impetsium or whatever). What I’m wondering is how bad is it going to be in my eyes if at all?

That seems like part of the problem, that we only have a “bad thing” to look forward to. What are the positives to look forward to? I’ve heard nothing of the PvP quality except that it might be bad. I’ve heard of “rifting” as something to do but I don’t know what it is.

When did the MMO community get so negative? I’ve been trying to stay out of the mainstream opinion (pertaining to MMOs) but it seeks me out and finds me anyway. Here I am giving everything a chance and then some beta tester that probably didn’t test shit tells the world that this, this, and this sucks ass. Since the game company doesn’t tell anyone shit, this is the first thing anyone hears about it and our preconceptions become tainted. What the fuck is that bullshit?

Let’s use our jump to conclusions mat and say that the beta tester that didn’t test shit is some dumb kid whose first MMO (and probably only MMO) was WoW. Do you see where I’m going with this now? I hate to jump back on this train, but the scourge is spreading and it is important to talk about the 900 lb (or 90 stone for our “other” readers) gorilla in the corner throwing shit at everyone. Ever since the MMO community exploded and multiplied by about 10, I can’t play an MMO without running into some stupid effin WoW kids.

Aion is not excluded from this douchebaggery and that makes me sad and pissed off. Yesterday (Monday) I was doing a gathering quest to get 15 Kandula. I got fucked over left and right on this shit and god damn did it piss me off. There are mobs near this node, let me clear them away. Mid fight some shit bag walks right through me and steals my shit. So now to me, “It’s on!”, I hit my charge (sprint) spell and run to the next node, I’m at the node, it is all mine, yes! FUCK! I aggroed a mob, and now another shit bag that I sprinted passed is stealing my shit! Motherfucker! I need 3 fucking Kandula and its taking me way too long. I find one close to town and start harvesting. In between clicks to harvest, a level fucking 27 steals my fucking node! What the fuck.

Didn’t people used to show some god damn common courtesy? Didn’t people used to get into shit for impeding on a lower levels ability to do a quest? I didn’t try to report him because that’s not my style and I’m sure there are much more important issues for the GMs to handle, but god damn, what has this community devolved into? A bunch of lonely, shitty fucking give me now kids. And I hate it.

But thanks to the Change Channel option, I’m still able to have fun!

My LotRO weekend!

I played quite a bit this weekend. Nevermind my Xfire, I turn that off sometimes. Mainly when I’m really stoned and feel like my internet is lagging, I’ll close anything and everything. Steam? Fuck you, probably downloading some stupid old game update. Xfire? Let me guess, still automatically updating “insert game here that I used to play” even though I fucking disabled that shit. Turbine Download Manager? Nope, can’t close that, the one program actually uploading shit, it might close my game! Can’t risk trying, might have to log back in!

My Rune-keeper is now level 19. I began doing the Epic quest. I’m currently on I believe Chapter 11 of Book 1, which is the first group necessary quest in the chain (I believe). I tried to solo it though, because I didn’t realize I had blown through the other Chapters that quickly. But now, I’m starting to think I’ll just level way ahead and come back so I can solo it. But why Bonedead? Why oh why would you want to solo in such a group friendly game? Because I still hate people, I’m sorry.

I have 200/200 Apprentice Scholar on my Rune-keeper. I got Weaponsmith to 60 or so Apprentice. Which I have since abandoned. I needed Bronze bars, but I couldn’t make them, so I bought 50 copper bars, whoops. So I spent all my money on Bronze bars and gear and twink gear. Whoops. So I rolled an Elf Champion for dual wielding badassery, and trained Two-handed weapons. Whoops. I then found a purple Spear assuming it was a two handed weapon (thanks DAoC!) and equipped it. Then I realized I had a low level sword in my off hand and checked my woodworking to see that I can make another spear for a simple 2 Rowan wood. So I go to find Rowan wood and then realize I probably can’t gather it because I’m not a Forester.

So I ponder creating another alt to handle that profession. I do not. I quested out of the Dwarf starting lands and I’m now in Bree. It turns out I’ve done all of these quests before, so much for running into new content. I go to Trestleridge or whatever and gather quests. These quests are red yet I still attempt them. I almost complete two when I die to red orcs. I teleport to the Lone lands. I have done these quests before. I am almost finished with all of these quests, after which I intend to return to Thistleridge or whatever. After there I’ll return to Bree and do that book shit.

I hate my Champion at first, because I wanted a class that can take multiple mobs at once, like a badass, and I get hurt a lot doing that. Heavy armor here I come! As soon as I do my Journeyman Scholar quest I can make better heal pots, and mail them to my champion!

I canceled my sub, so I don’t get charged again while I’m too high to remember it’s been a month. I could see myself going alt crazy for professions and being fine with that. I could see myself playing this game for a little while and not getting bored, though I already have gotten bored on more than one occasion. I made my Champion yesterday and was level 8 in one hour.

I like naming characters by following the rules at character creation screen. Because every combination of the provided prefixes and suffixes is taken, so you have to get creative. My champions name is Borabar, and I think that name is pretty sweet.

I’ve grouped three times. Once I didn’t want to. Another time I didn’t want to. The third time I wanted to, but just so I could kill the mob in 2 seconds and not get hate tells for not grouping before killing it. I disbanded immediately after, and the guy followed me. Why? Apparently he just wanted to say Good luck, aww, how sweet.

I wish I got more whacks at copper and tin deposits. I don’t like using food but have started to more often. On my Rune-keeper I have two of the purple horn items that grant +10 radiance, on my Champion I have one and threw the other “this item starts a quest” item away. I hate how at level 15 your pocket item that increases your run speed must go bye bye. I like getting traits/deeds/titles.

I prefer farming humanoids as they have better loot tables. As soon as my Weaponsmith is Journeyman he can make a purple 2h axe recipe that I found, hopefully this happens when he is 16 so he can use it immediately. Hopefully the ingredients are crazy fuckin expensive.

Monster play is pretty lame. I got 2 deathblows I believe, which was pretty lame and stupid. More freeps enter the ettenmoors now than I’ve ever seen, and that makes dying easy. Respawning across the map is gay. Playing a gimped mob who has to team up with other gimped mobs is gay.

Fishing is pretty lame too. I’ll get a bite and no matter how quickly I press the fishing button again, I can never make the animation look fluid. Ever. I always get a bite, my pole bends back to straight, and then I jerk it (little graphic, eh?). Because when I set the hook in a fish, my pole is always straight.

I’ve caught about 15 goldfish, 3 minnows, 20 weeds, and 2 broken daggers. I have about 8 fishing skill out of 200. I feel like I wasted a lot of time fishing.

People who play songs you know are fucking awesome. I was chillin at Thrasi’s lodge when I saw a crowd start to gather around this dude wailin away on his Lute. I joined the crowd and began listening, trying to figure out what song is being played. This may lose me some man points but I don’t care, I’ll lose more shortly after. The song he was playing was Too Late by I think One Republic (whoever that is). You know the one, it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late (timbaland timbaland timbaland– that’s what he’s saying right? who knows lol, definitely not saying too late). I showed Melanie and she thought it was pretty fuckin cool too.

Then she told me it isn’t a Justim Timberlake song, and I felt gay and sad at the same time.

I’ve run into a few others playing at the Prancing Pony and didn’t like a single one. Because they sucked at picking good music that wasn’t some gospel choir song.

I plan on eventually playing cool music in public. Maybe find out how to do Benny Hill and just follow people around playing it. I fully intend to annoy people with my music.

I want to see shit from the movie already.

I forgot the story takes place during the movies (or the books for those anal fuckers just waiting to correct me).

I’m a bit disappointed that I left my Xfire off the whole weekend, because I played a fuckin lot-ro. Lol get it. Man I’m clever.

Story time

Henry is an elephant that can fly. He isn’t like Dumbo though, he doesn’t use his ears because that isn’t possible. He uses a jet pack! You may be wondering, Bonedead, what the hell is an elephant doing with a jet pack when I don’t even have a jet pack? Well ya see, this is a special elephant, because he can talk. Well why can the elephant talk? Because he evolved bitch! Shut the hell up and listen to mah storeh!

So one day Henry was cruisin along the tree top canopies in some exotic ass rainforest in the mofuggin jungle (forest jungle mofugga!) on his way to visit his best friend, Dr. Mr. Dolphinface. Why is he a Doctor Mister, Mr. Bonedead? Because he got a doctorate degree in something and now he has the power, now shut the fuck up! Anyway, Dr. Mr. Dolphinface wasn’t a doctor of medicine, he received an honorary doctorate for his work in constructing a jet pack that works and fits an elephant. Not only that but he taught a damn elephant how to talk and then explained how to use a jet pack!

As Henry is flying over the canopies he notices below him there are swarms of monkeys and apes following him. He figures maybe it is just a coincidence and returns his attention to the sky. Ya see Henry was very fond of the sky, though that wasn’t always the case. Back when he walked around everywhere he had too much to worry about and focus on that was on the ground. He didn’t have time to look up and during long treks he didn’t have the strength to look up. Most of Henry’s life prior to being a jet pack wielding talking elephant involved long arduous walks across barren deserts and dry jungle. But now, now he could get where he needed to be with hardly any effort. If he gets too hot he just flies higher!

Henry was due for a refueling and a general check up, though Dr. Mr. Dolphinface was not an elephant doctor. But since Henry could talk he was able to help him. While staring at the clouds Henry spotted a small airplane. Airplanes were nothing new to Henry, in fact, most were chartered to find him flying for tourists to see. This didn’t bother Henry, because he was free to do as he pleased, and he enjoyed the company and the new faces. However, today Henry did not have time to spend with the tourists, for check ups and refuelings are no joking matter to an elephant with a jet pack.

Of course, tourists pay a lot of money to charter a plane over a rainforest jungle thing to search for an elephant with a jet pack and they will not give up easily. Over the years Henry has learned the lay of the land quite well, especially with his ability to speak, he was able to acquire large maps of the area courtesy of Dr. Mr. Dolphinface. This meant he knew where the country borders were, since this story takes place in a jungle rainforest, it is a safe assumption that in this area of the world the countries don’t get along with each other very well. Which means all that Henry had to do was cross over into another country and fly a bit lower than usual, so that’s what he did.

As he began to lower his altitude he looked down and noticed there was still a large amount of primates following him in the trees, and he turned his focus on them now. From his lifetime in the wild Henry learned that there is usually a dominant male leader for most animal families and groups. Henry began scanning the front of the pack looking for this dominant male primate, who he would undoubtedly have to direct his attention to were a meeting to take place between himself and the primates. He began to go faster trying to catch up to the head of the pack when all of a sudden the primates disappeared and the trees stopped moving. In fact the whole forest rainjungle was almost completely silent except for a small humming noise that was slowly growing louder.

This made Henry feel extremely uneasy so he ducked his head down and barreled on towards the Docs house. He was flying in what could be described as a trench among the tree tops, there was something about having trees around you that would calm Henry down. Henry began to feel more relaxed, he was breathing easier and his legs weren’t as tense. He began looking at the canopies below him for small reservoirs of water and eventually came across one. He slurped it up in one try and gulped it down, it was very refreshing. He went a few trees down and found another, this one he sucked in and squirted onto his back, which was also very refreshing. He found one more, he drank half of it and dumped the other half on the top of his head. Henry was very refreshed, he was calm again, and he had lost the tourists.

He began on his way again, it was along trek but hardly as tough as they used to be, if he were to have tried this trek without the jet pack he would have surely perished. A breeze began to flow by him and through the trees around him, making a smooth rustling sound all around him. It was at this moment that Henry heard a very strong noise to his right, as he looked over he could see who he believed to be the dominant male primate. He was obviously aged a bit, but not frail, very much strong and very much in charge. His hair was gray which automatically made him stand out amongst the other primates who were primarily black, brown, and light brown in color. His face was the most horrid thing Henry had ever seen. It seemed white and crusty. As if he had died long ago and came back to life, it was very weathered.

The primate hugged the tree with his legs and motioned by swinging his arms in Henry’s direction while howling menacingly. The trees all around Henry began shaking and he slightly increased his altitude while looking below him to see what was coming. He was now emerging from his trench in the canopies and his pursuers were becoming more and more visible. Hundreds of monkeys and apes rushed up after Henry, some began leaping at him, and one small monkey managed to grab on to Henry and climb on his back. He increased his altitude to stay out of range of the others, who were now standing on top of the canopies barking and howling at him, it was now clear to Henry that he was being hunted. The monkey on his back began gnawing on his ears which made the ones below grow even louder and more enraged.

Henry swatted at the little monkey with his trunk, missing, again and again he swatted and grabbed for the monkey but kept missing. He then began going straight up with his jet pack, high into the sky, so high that when he looked down the massive mob of monkeys now seemed rather small. He flipped upside down and began to free fall. The monkey on his head was now biting harder but less often, he was losing his grip and dangling from Henry’s head. Henry grabbed again and this time he got the little bastard! He held the monkey tightly and began flipping himself back over as the mob of monkeys below again appeared massive.

Once right side up with monkey in grasp Henry hovered above the mob who was now extremely furious as he had their friend in his clutches. The leader emerged and the mob went silent almost immediately. Henry stared at his deformed face in disgust, this was without a doubt the ugliest primate he had ever seen. The primate leader motioned to Henry, what Henry assumed meant “Give him back”. Henry was not going to be bullied and needed to let these primates know that he was the king of the jungle rainforest as far as they were concerned. So he took the monkey and held it up to his jet packs propulsion systems, where half of it instantly disintegrated. He looked at the remains and felt sadness, this was not Henry’s way, he was better than this.

When he looked at the primate leader he noticed it’s mouth was wide open in shock. The primates had never seen such destruction before and were left in awe. Henry threw what was left of the corpse at the alpha male, hitting him square in the chest, and it fell to his feet. The primate examined the body, his face regained it’s composure, it’s intensity. The hairs began to stand up on it’s body as it looked at Henry. The leader flung the corpse off into the trees and roared at Henry so fiercely that it startled the mob of primates around him.

He began squawking rapidly and moving his arms and his followers began to react. They began bunching up together and climbing on top of each other. Henry knew he had to start moving and fast as he saw the leader began charging up the mountain of monkeys, heading straight for Henry. The terror that was his face slowed Henry’s reaction time, it was as if he forgot how to fly. He was frozen, completely frightened, and then came a loud roaring. The noise became louder and louder, it immobilized Henry even more and caused some of the monkeys to flee from the pile, which slowed the primate leader.

As the leader reached the top of the primates he leaped with all of his might, arms outstretched towards Henry, mouth wide open ready to rip and tear. He was so close now that Henry had given up, he would be swarmed by these primates and killed. It was at this moment that the roaring revealed itself. An airplane flew directly overhead, it had a hook dangling from it which appeared to be magnetic as it honed in on Henry’s jet pack and hooked onto it flawlessly. As the primate was about to strike, Henry was tugged away by the plane, and the primate fell into the canopies below. As Henry watched he saw the leader began tearing apart those who fled the pile and flinging their intestines all over the place. He stared up at Henry and let out one last roar. Henry was saved.

(What the fuck am I doing?)