Free Realms – Still no working Leaderboards

I know what you’re thinking. Bonedead, big bad Bonedead, bitching about a kids game. Well I don’t care damnit, I am capable of beating these kids, and damn it, I paid to be able to!

I submitted a ticket to customer service explaining my disappointment in the Leaderboards functionality, or lack thereof.

Here is what I said:

I’m pretty sure I should be #1 on the Hack n Slash mini game (Sword Testing) Leaderboard. I have beaten the current high score twice and have screenshots on my blog. I would also like to point out that on the Time section of the Hack n Slash (Sword Testing) Leaderboard there are a ton of people with the time of 31 seconds. I believe they failed the mini game in 31 seconds, but I highly doubt they completed it in 31 seconds, because if they did they would be #1 on the Score Leaderboard for the mini game. is my blog where the screenshots are located.

I haven’t been playing because of this. I am not here to be with my family or my son and have a jolly good time. I like all of the new little games to try and beat, all I am asking for is some recognition. I paid the same amount of money as everyone else.

First response from a Referee:

Greetings Richard Smallpiper,

This is Referee -censored- answering your ticket. I understand that you feel the Leader Boards are not accurate. Since this is a matter which Referee are unable to assist with, I will direct this issue over to our technical support department who will be best to assist you with your concerns. If this has caused you any trouble at all, I do apologize. I appreciate your ticket Richard and hope you have a wonderful day.


Second response from a TSR:


The leaderboards do not update constantly. They compile all of the data from all of the servers every couple of days and then update. Could you please continue to watch them and I’m sure you will see your stats increase.


Okay. First off, I got my first high score before May 1st. Today is the 14th, so I’m not 100% sold on the whole, every couple of days thing.

However, he is right, my stats did increase as I noted here. However, I am almost positive my current high score (as shown on leaderboards) was attained after beating the current highest score of all players.

Here is my 2nd response:

Thank you Referee for your assistance.
Thank you as well TSR for your response.

I scored higher than the current high score before May 1st. I have since beaten it multiple more times. Just yesterday, I created a video of me getting my highest score yet which I intend to upload to my blog sometime soon (after I reduce the size). I have noticed that since submitting this ticket I no longer have access to the Leaderboards. If that means it is being worked on, great, but I will be rather disappointed if my scores have not been logged. I’ve noticed that for the Hack n Slash game, the faster your time, the higher your score. Since I have attained the highest score (that I’m aware of) yet, I know that the fastest you could possibly complete the game in is above 40 seconds. Yet the first page or two of the Time Leaderboard is filled with players with 31 seconds.

I haven’t played this game for around a week (minus yesterday) simply because I cannot climb the leaderboards.

Since I cannot access the Leaderboards (this is day two of no access) I still consider this issue unresolved.

I threw in that last tidbit because their emails say if I do not respond in 72 hours that the issues would be updated to resolved, and the end of today would be 72 hours.

But yeah, yesterday I decided I would record me beating the current high score. Well, I managed to beat my previous highest score of 21,790 with a 21,8something. I have a feeling I could break 22k if I played it some more.

I’m just curious if I am the only one who cannot access the leaderboards or if they are down for everyone. Because they were up until I got a response to my ticket.

Also, there is no mention of this Leaderboard downtime on the Announcements Forum.

While looking through the announcements forum I came across the most recent (May 11th) patch notes. One fix caught my eye.

* At the end of a kart race, Portraits, Total Time and Placement now appear properly

If you go back a page you’ll see my screenshot pointing that one out.

I just want leaderboards to work, that is it. If you’re going to advertise it as a feature then you should probably feature it in your game.

Another thing that chaps my ass is that if you search FreeRealms support for “leaderboards” there is only one question, located here.

Can I see my score and compare it to other players?
On the Leaderboards you can check your scores. If you are a member, your score will be posted for everyone to see. If you are not a member, only you can see you scores. But your scores will be saved if you become a member later. You can also check a game’s High Scores from the mini-game start window.

Let me emphasize some of that:

…But your scores will be saved if you become a member later. You can also check a game’s High Scores from the mini-game start window.

My scores do not appear to be saving and I AM a member. I also cannot check the high scores in game, there isn’t even a button to do so anywhere in or out of the mini game.

Come on SOE, I heard your damn commercials on Nickelodeon, how about fixing some shit first?



Haven’t been on the Free Realms website much recently, but I decided to check it a few seconds ago. It turns out they kind of updated the leaderboards a bit. Problem is, they updated it with data from a week ago and they haven’t fixed the whole, “I quit the mini game early and am counted as finishing it in 30 seconds even though that isn’t fucking possible” thing. But hey, I’m ranked 22 now! My favorite part is how everytime I try and look at the leaderboards for myself and Sword Testing the shit starts breaking. It’s like they know.

For instance, I saw I was ranked 22 on My Leaderboard. I clicked to see if the rest of the peoples scores updated as well and they had not. The score they have on file for me now is in the 18000s, but as you can see from my screenshot (a score which I have since beaten) I scored much higher than that. Anyways, so I wanted to get a screenshot of the whole, 22nd place thing to show you. So I go back to My Leaderboard and what do I see?

Okay, well what about if we check the Sword Testing Leaderboard?

Well how about actually looking at the Score and Time Leaderboards individually?

But don’t take my word for it, go check for yourself. Remember, this is only one game’s leaderboards (and my personal leaderboard). Go look at mining. Look at Kart Racing (which I’ve NEVER gotten a score from doing, even when racing real people).

Now I can understand a shitty argument being along the lines of, “Well it is more of a family oriented kid’s game, it isn’t about who is the best or competing but about having fun. Therefore we don’t consider the leaderboards as a top priority item. I can understand that. But if that is the case, then don’t fucking say you can see yourself on the leaderboards, have links to the leaderboards, or have a whole leaderboard dedicated to ME. I’m just sayin.

Oh hey, what do ya know, my leaderboard works again!

Seeing that I’m ranked 603 on monsters killed kind of makes me want to wtf rape that one next. Wanna know how? It’s gonna be real easy. See I’ll go to the Cellar dungeon as a level 8+ Brawler or 3+ Warrior and wtf rape newb level mobs all day. Fair? Not really. Pwnzor? Most definitely. I’d like to clarify that something like that is not possible on the Hack n Slash game, that shit is just hard.

Gonna try and fire it up hear at worky, don’t think this computer can handle it, but why not give it a shot, it’s as good a day as any.

What has been up?

Well, I’ve been playing the server for a few days. I have played a little Free Realms but there really hasn’t been any incentive since it is a broken fucking dickface. The leaderboards are STILL not updated, they haven’t changed since the first time I ever looked at them a week ago.

Kart Driver and Demo Derby Driver do not gain experience. Nobody knows if this is intended or not because SOE doesn’t tell anyone shit. It is just too shitty right now to get into because every problem I run into, when I search the support base or the forums, nobody has said anything about it save for a few players who have run into the same problems. I figured that I couldn’t be that amazing at the Hack n Slash game so I got an even higher score of 21720 or something like that. My fastest time is 43 seconds I believe.

I’ve heard complaints of leaderboards for time (it takes to complete a mini game) being messed up. If someone quits before the game is over, that time gets saved as their fastest time, and it gets displayed on the leaderboard. Failzor!

So, I haven’t been playing much Free Realms. However, my fiance tried it out yesterday, and 5 hours later she was paying for it. Now I’m pretty sure she loves it (though I suspect she will burn out soon). I believe she got a Miner to level 9 or so.

As for, that shit is pretty cool. The server resets a lot, but it doesn’t take but a minute to restart, and when you log back in the field of corpses you logged out in is now a field of mobs. I am level 42 already, yep, that’s fuckin right. Level 42 in a couple days, huzzah! 10x exp is friggin great, plus the green and blue drop rates increase, add that in with the fact that people drop lewtz.

I’ve died 3 times to players I believe, 4 if you count a group of 3 killing me twice. The first time was a level ?? one shotting me in Stormwind. The second time was a 43 Rogue in the Deadmines while I was 36, I didn’t attack him when I found him, yet he attacked me when he saw me, when I came back I raped his face for being a stupid Rogue. Then I was out in I think Tanaris? Wherever Gadgetzan is. I went through the tunnel and into Pirate land, where I was jumped by 3 guys my level.

I need to bind my bottom left action bar to alt+1-2-3-4 etc, so I can get to my Death Coil easier. I doubt I could’ve taken the 3 guys as they were all my level, but I really think I could get 2/3 if I got the jump on them and played my shit like a pro. I’ve done shit like that before because I’m awesome like that. Shit, I killed a ?? Warrior in STV (in real WoW) when I was in my 40s. I just dotted him up and tried to keep him feared while launching my instant shadow bolts whenever Nightfall procced. It got to the point where I used Unending Breath and just started swimming down, after a while he just died. Good stuff.

The players are fucking annoying. It seems just like a regular WoW server because all they do is bitch bitch bitch. They don’t understand that they’re basically playing in Beta and that there is basically only 1 dev, who actually responds to players in world chat. Yet everyone and their mother is so goddamn entitled to speak their mind about how this one stupid skill doesn’t work and how on real WoW servers you can do this and this. Oh my goodness, I have to submit a ticket for my problem? OMG! What kind of barbaric world is this? I can’t stand them!

I actually was lucky enough to run across one of the whiners in STV. I dotted him up and sent him a running with fear. He used his ice cage thing (mage) and said “Seriously?”, because he conned green to me, I didn’t say anything and just spirit tapped and drained life as soon as his ice thing wore off. Aaaaand you’re dead! I was mainly pissed because I figured most of the whiners were level 70-80 and lost things that mattered a bit more, but this guy was green to me, just shut the fuck up and level. The best part was he dropped his Hearthstone as loot! I didn’t even know that was possible. Anyways, I found him again to give him his Hearthstone back because I’m such a nice guy, and he says “What, you can only kill me when I’m fighting mobs?” as we’re running into the safety of the guards in Booty Bay. I said, actually, I’m trying to give you your hearthstone back, newb!

I also got his staff, but I said he doesn’t get that back because it sucked. What kind of mage uses a +6 agi +6 spirit staff? Seriously?

Since loot drops are through the roof, cloth drops are as well, therefore, I am a tailor! Turns out tailors need leather from time to time so I took up skinning and raised it to 190 in a couple hours, which was gay, because I wasn’t getting XP. But now I’ve got a ton of Heavy Leather for making Silk Bags (10 slot) which I can sell for 75 silver a pop on the AH.

My brother is playing with me, as well as 4 from, and it seems like it could be a real fun end game. My brother was skeptical at first due to increased XP. He has played a few free servers before I guess and they always make him resub to the real thing because of how crappy they are. But he says this one is different. It even feels a lot like Athlore he says, which is the free UO shard we played on.

So that is about it!

I’m updating from work, if I was at home I would have uploaded a few Free Realms screenshots. One being of my new high score in Hack n Slash and the other being the end of a race I did which said I got 2nd place but then ranked me as 1st place on the final tally. Workin real good aren’t we Free Realms? I want you to be good, but you’re sucking too much right now!

Free Realms

UPDATE Well shit. In order to be ranked I need to be a member. I will be #1, I just gotta put some money on the fiance’s debit/credit card, may as well get some station cash while I’m at it. I’d say Free Realms could make some money. It is a lot like an arcade.

Well I’ve played it some and I’ve got to say I’m sold. They really put a lot of thought into this game. It feels like I’m playing at an arcade, but it is also like I am playing in an arcade. I’ve only got a level or two on Brawler and I think I’m going to be in first place on the Hack n Slash mini game. Why do I think this?

Well, yesterday after playing I was ranked 48 with a score of 17500ish, my time of 1:44 (I think) was ranked 200ish. I noticed that the guy in first place had a little over 20k, maybe 21k, I’m not certain (the website is currently undergoing maintenance so I cannot check). This morning I played it about 20 times and I pretty much have to be in first place in both time and score. If not, I’m definitely in the top 10.


So you see folks, I am the greatest ever! Giggles. I can’t wait until they update it, I gotta know what place I’m in so I can get a higher score or move on to another game (and conquer it just as quickly!) *Evil Laugh*

A person named Lola Star asked me to be their friend, I figured it had to be someone who knows I’m Dick SmallDick.

On a side note, I am a bit disappointed. I thought my name was clever and such, but on one of the leaderboards I saw someone named Brenda Browneye. It’s just not fair.

Syncaine, if you read this, I think Free Realms is going for longevity to make money. Look at how many people play Runescape. This game is so much better than that one, it is like the WoW of those games, it will be around for a long time. Methinks SOE wanted to plant an economic seed for these tough times, and I think they made a wise decision.

So like 2 minutes after I posted this, the website was working again. Scores are not updated, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be #1 no matter what.

Here is the Hack n Slash Score leaderboard:

Here is the Hack n SLash Time leaderboard:

New frontiers for griefing

Ever wish you could go play UO and find some clueless newb to trick into screwing himself over? Ahh, those were the good old days (when I was the newb too!). What can you do nowadays to grief people? Well, you could’ve played Darkfall when it released, but by now I don’t think there are too many clueless people left. You can play any FPS (or any game for that matter) that has voice chat and group with as many people as you can, just waiting for that little kid with his squeaky voice, then make fun of him for it (but that will only be funny for a couple of seconds until you realize that you’re a dickface). Yep, there are not many options out there for griefing. You could spend a long fuckin time in EVE establishing yourself and it would still pretty much all boil down to tricking someone into trusting you.

Well my friends, you no longer have to yell inappropriate phrases and/or odd noises at people on the sidewalk as you drive by, for now there is Omegle.

What is Omegle? Omegle is pretty much just a 1v1 chatroom creator dealy. You go to the website, click start conversation, and you’re instantly connected with a stranger. The stranger’s name appears as, you guessed it, Stranger! You can disconnect from the conversation at any time and reconnect to a new one. It really is a neat idea and you can have some long and enjoyable conversations with a complete stranger.

Personally I have only had 2 good conversations out of probably 15. One was with an Italian fellow who was mapping the genome for wheat (or something like that). Another was with a Canadian who hates people as much as I do and smokes weed (we got along great!).

However, there are a fuckton of weirdos. For instance, one guy asked me if I wanted to have sex. I told him only if he was a transgendered 8 year old. He said, well maybe I am, and I said well then maybe I’m a dude. Upon learning I was a male he disconnected. Normal as shit if you ask me.

Most people you’ll run into will remind you of AOL back in the day. ASL? M or F? Oh and since they’re strangers, they probably won’t like you, so remember that.

If you visit during the work day, be prepared for a lot of kids. Yesterday I had the pleasure of talking to probably 4 kids between 15-17, and when I say pleasure, I mean damn I am sorry to a lot of people that I talked to on the internet when I was younger.

The best conversation I had, oddly enough, I began by saying: “Hey baby you ever have your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?” (Jay & Silent Bob fyizzle) It is an odd game, probably because it isn’t a game.

But, if you play it like a game, and seriously try to have a conversation for over 5 minutes with each random person you’re paired up with, you will lose. You simply cannot please everyone conversationally. Most people will say Hi, but then it’ll go quiet and you have to just start quizzing them basically. It gets old quick, but if you’re lucky enough to run into someone that you click with, you will see the awesomeness of the idea.

Most of the people I talked to were from Europe, one Brazil, a Canadian, and surprisingly only one American (from Texas). The one american pissed me off lol. He was 16 and from Texas. He plays Counter Strike and we were talking about it for a little while, then in the middle of the conversation he just disconnected, fuckin asshole! My guess is his teacher walked up on him, or he fucking hates me and I’m a horrible person! Lol.

Anyways, you can have fun with it by just talking a bunch of dumb shit and seeing how long they’ll stick around.

Free Realms
I have yet to play any Free Realms. Fiance fucking ruined everything by being a stupid fuckin drunk that enjoys stupid ass tv shows. I played a few seconds of the tutorial this morning, it looked nice, and it seems like it will be fun. I am not aware yet of any possible ways to grief people, but I’ll figure something out!

My name Wener Indamouf got denied, go figure! Now I am stuck with Richard Smallpiper, lol, get it, Dick SmallDick. Yeah, aren’t I so clever.

I’m hoping I can pull some Nigerian Prince bullshit on some little kids though. It would suck to get banned, for tricking little kids lol. Iunno, I might wear it like a badge of honor, but I might get upset. Who knows.

Anyways, that’s about it. Laterzorz

How did I contain this much gheyness in just one post?

Brief summary of points I’d like to hit on:
Anger in the Blogosphere!
Free Realms!
I’m immature!
I am a tourist!
Am I special or delusional?
WoW+UO, a WoW server with UO rules!

Alright, where do we start? I know, ANGER ANGER WILL ROBINSON, ANGER! I’m guilty of everything I’m about to talk about. Everyone is fucking angry at someone, in MMO land, that is (probably IRL too, but who cares about that, amirite?). People who play WoW hate everyone who doesn’t, people who play DF hate everyone else, people who play EVE think everyone else is crazy, and those crazy ATitD players don’t even know everyone else exists! Well that last one doesn’t matter, but you get the idea. Now don’t get me wrong, I love Syncaine, but man is he angry sometimes. I half suspect that it is a bit of RP, but still, damn. Just go around and look through comments. People get so mad at others because they misinterpret what was said, or sometimes, inject some of their own thoughts into someone else’s. Again, I am guilty of this. It’s just fucked up.

Free Realms! Man did this one slip under my radar or what? I actually remember some old people bloggers talking about taking the whole family there when it comes out etc, but aside from that I completely forgot about it. My fiance plays Pogo a bit and though I’ve tried to get her to play MMOs the only one she could stomach was WoW and she didn’t make it passed level 10. This morning I showed her some of the trailers for Free Realms and I’m pretty sure she was sold on the puppies. Hooray for cute puppies! I’m kind of excited to get home and fire this up (while subsequently firing something else up, teehee!). I’ve got a good feeling she’ll join me without resisting, but ya never know.

I’m immature as shit and I’m pretty sure that is why some people are completely turned off by some of the things I say. When I’m thinking of my words I always find myself trying to make myself laugh. If it makes me laugh, it almost has to make you laugh, but if it doesn’t you will still laugh at me because I’m laughing at myself. Yeah, that’s right. I like being immature, it is my favorite genre of comedy, it is the genre where I excel. I understand that if I acted more mature my chances of making friends and having conversations about things besides wieners and butts will go up, but I’m fucking 22 man. I’m still young and I want to be young for as long as I can. I used to want to be so old, I wanted to skip 20-30 years of my life and jump straight into being old. That is pretty dumb. I am going bald though (and I’m not fighting it like a pussy!), which kind of sucks. Anyways, being immature is still funny to me, so fuck you.

Someone commented on one of Syncaine’s posts about how Keen is a tourist. Well, I am a tourist too! I play so many MMOs, but I always get tired of them pretty quickly, and I move on to the next one. I’ve been doing this for a very fucking long time, very gdamn long. I haven’t played one game for longer than 2 months straight besides FPS games or maybe Diablo 2 back in the day. That is just who I am. I honestly can’t imagine what it is like to play the same game for 6 months. How do you come home everyday and think: “Alright! Let’s jump back into this same fuckin thing I’ve been doing the last 5 months! Something different will happen this time!” I have no idea. Therefor, I am a tourist, but I don’t ruin games with my tourism (lol@WoW Tourists).

Am I special or delusional? I’ve said before in another post that I’ve thought I was living in a Truman Show type world a few times. It is probably because of some emotional/mental problems coupled with my extreme pothead paranoia. But anyways, I’m wondering if this is another case of that. Everytime I comment at BrokenToys (Scott Jennings) my comment says it is awaiting moderation. I am pretty sure I’m the only one (if not one of a few) being moderated. If that is the case, then damn, do I feel special. I mean, you know he knows my internet alias if he singled me out like that. To be honest, it is pretty fucking cool. I comment on almost every post there (well used to) but now I don’t even consider commenting unless I’ve got something solid to add. Sometimes I’ll write up a big comment and not even post it because it I’ll reread it and think I’m a dumbass. Anyways, perdy cool.

This one I found via Someone posted it up there and now there are a few of them playing. That’s right people, WoW plus UO rules (aka full loot…) Holy fucking shit. I never went to this website until just now, and reading the rules makes me fucking cream my pants.
Here are the rules:

-Full world PVP
-Item drops on death or suicide (1-12 items from equipped and bagged)
-Protective guards in town and starting areas (but not invincible)
-100% inter-faction game-play supported
-Guilds can have horde or alliance
-Groups can have horde or alliance
-Raids can have horde or alliance
-You can talk to anyone from either faction
-No arenas (all PVP is world based)
-Mark/Recall spells (like Ultima)
-Reduced spawn rates of all Bosses, creatures, in the world and dungeons
-All instances are singletons i.e. anyone can go into an instance at anytime grouped or not because there is only 1 instance.
-Repopulated zones for higher level content control
-Repopulated resource nodes for crafters to control
-Guild and Player housing
-Guilds will be able to control major cities as well like stormwind and ironforge
-Decorate your house with over 1,000 items from our object database
-Protect your garrison with CANNONS and other siege weapons.
-Custom itemization and new world events and items.
-Money drops x 15
-Starting mount (under pets tab)
-Mob kill XP x 10
-Quest XP x 3
-Rested XP x 2
-Exploration XP x 2
-Green Item drop rates x 10
-Blue item drop rates x 6
-Purple item drop rates x 3

Man that is just amazing to me.

Anyways, that is it.

Oh yeah! could use some new faces! So stop on by and read the previous posts, get a feel for the place, and act accordingly! We really need some new people there!