What in the shit is goin on?

Hello world! Viagra Viagra Viagra canadi4n dick pills yo. JK guys, jk, this is just a drill. It is used to make holes.

Alrighty then, so, what do I talk about here again? I feel like I’ve missed quite a lot of things. Like, GamerGate, whatever the hell that is? I think it might be about like not enough female protagonists or something and it is also tied into like feminist movements that aren’t really about equality maybe or something? No idea, don’t care at all though. Just figured I’d throw that out there since you’re kinda supposed to have opinions on things or something if you want to talk about games. So my opinion is, I don’t care, I care about games and how fun they are and how they mix shit up to make things more interesting, anything else is a waste of my time.

Butts and stuff! As you can see my vocabulary has progressed quite nicely since however long ago it was that I last posted frequently. I’m fuckin smart guys. So smart that I totally know what direction this post is going.

Gaemz. Apparently I was playing DayZ Mod last time I was posting, err, nope, I had stopped playing that and was playing Divinity and thinking about playing other shit like D3, CSGO, PoE, and AoW3. Those games are all fun. Divinity got tiring, we felt like we made it pretty far but it was pretty slow going and I guess we kinda just lost interest. PoE always sucks because their fucking servers blow and I always forget about that until I’m level 30 and the servers start to suck. I don’t even have to mention D3 because jesus christ, I just can’t make myself do that anymore really. CS is kind of in the same boat as D3, sure they’re good but, I’m just tired of it.

I feel like I’ve played a lot of games recently, some being out of my usual comfort zone. I hardly play any MMOs anymore which was one of the big genres that got me into writing about these things. It’s like they don’t even try anymore, or maybe they are trying and I just can’t do the fuckin quest hub to quest hub never reading the quest text cus it is a god damn race against no one for some reason.

I’ve played a fair bit of Arma 3 mods, namely Battle Royale, Breaking Point, Exile, and King of the Hill (not really a mod I think?). I always have a lot of fun playing these mods but it always ends up being a little frustrating because it is fucking Arma and Arma is fucking wonky sometimes. If you’re kind of into those games though I would recommend trying all of those mods.

Recently I downloaded Darkest Dungeon again as I hadn’t played it since the initial Early Access phase. Holy shit is that game fun for some time. I was pissed at first due to corpses and got to like week 47 in a game with corpses disabled. I had a team of 4 up to level 5 and lost half of them before retreating. It was a pretty sad time, but I got over it. I did so by starting over, this time playing with corpses. I really like the mechanic now that I get its purpose, which is to make some of the classes that don’t seem as useful pretty fuckin useful. I always play by keeping my torch at 75 or above because I’m scared, but recently I’ve been thinking about trying the crazy no torch shit. We shall see. I would highly recommend this game, normally I wouldn’t try something that looked so, not 3d and shit, but it was definitely enjoyable.

I recently got the Secrets of Grindea early access game and have been enjoying it. It isn’t complete but I’d suggest that you try the demo. It is just a classic little rpg with fun dialogue. Only played one night coop so far but it has definitely left its mark on me. I’m now searching for other games I can use my ps4 controller to play though I haven’t quite found anything yet.

I’ve played a decent amount of those early access survival games. I also tried Wurm Unlimited recently. Now I used to be a regular at pker.org which was all about pvp and UO and how good the old days were and such, it shut down a long time ago, but this Wurm game was talked about a lot back then as being the ultimate game we all wanted. Full loot open world pvp was that popular tagline iirc. Anyways, that is not what Wurm turned into apparently. I downloaded the server software so I could play with my friend and found the default settings are 3x skill gain and 3x action time, meaning that the game is supposed to be 3 times slower skill gain and take 3x longer to perform actions. I cannot imagine playing it that way as the grind is already so fuckin real. It seems the only people really playing this game are more into Minecraft type building stuff. From what I experienced on the Mythmoor server the game is pretty cool though it is very daunting, hard to figure out at times, and of course grindy as all hell. But if you’re into that, give it a whirl. You can play Wurm Online for free I believe to try it out. Wurm Online is like the official version whereas Wurm Unlimited is like the player created server version.

Right now I am thinking of playing Salt. It is another early access open world survival game. The main difference is that you can build boats, the world doesn’t end, and there are pirates! I really want to build a boat and fuck up some pirates, like so gdamn bad right now. The graphics look pretty shit and I just know it is going to have its problems due to early access open world survival, but, I don’t even care man, I just wanna fight some pirates on a boat I made.

Oh yeah, I tried Blade and Soul a little bit. Holy shit how fuckin dumb. I could almost swear the minimap is the exact same thing as the one in Tera. The reason I fuckin hate this piece of shit though isn’t because it is necessarily bad, though it probably is since it is an NCSoft MMO, its because it pretty much stole $5 from me. There I am, launch day, waiting in queue to get in. I notice in the queue window it says, underneath my non premium queue, that the premium queue has 0 players in line. My friend checked and it is like 399 points for premium for like 7 days or some totally dumb gay microtransaction bullshit, but we figure, fuck it. As soon as we purchased those packages, literally as soon as it happened, guess what the premium queue did? It changed from fucking 0 people in line to goddamn 3000 people in line. IT WAS THE SAME FUCKING AMOUNT AS NON PREMIUM QUEUE! That was pretty fucking infuriating, but the queue did actually start to move and after a few games of Rocket League we were both in and ready to be underwhelmed as shit. Suck a big fat dick NCSoft, you dirty fucks.

I think that about covers most of the shit I’ve done since my last post. I may try and get into doing this more, maybe play weird games I wouldn’t normally and review them, or just say dicks a lot, who knows. Anyways, ggwp.

Short and Sweet

I’ve played a shit ton of DF. I have died like 4 times to players and killed 2 Harvesters by a player city (one was afk, both were naked). I have like 12+ suits of chainmail and can now make banded. I have 3 mounts that I made and lost 1 that I stole from a PK who got too close to a tower. I tried to jump a guy mining iron and he raped the shit out of me. I later ran into this guy and fought mounted for a minute, then realized he called in backup, got chased by 3 dudes, one jumped down the mountain to catch up (air acceleration like in CS) and got me.

My STR and WIS are both almost 30, at which point I will be buying some new skills (though I forget which ones exactly lol). My mining is over 75 with Mining Mastery at 30, Herb is almost 75. Lesser Magic is above 50, I have greater magic to almost 20 with rend a little above that.

Greatswords is almost 40 along with archery. I’m doing the big ass stat bonus quests where you have to kill 500 of a lot of shit. I’m almost ready to turn in the +2 wisdom one which requires 300 stone (have) 300 timber (have) 300 iron ore (dont have) and 300 fish (dont have). In return I get +2 wisdom, 2k gold, and 50 ingots (only thing that makes it almost worth it, I’m not mining that much for no crafting gain).

Shit is going good, I left murder herd mainly because they’re a bunch of paranoid r-tards. They think I’m going to spy on them or some shit because they don’t remember me from DF’s launch. Oh well, I heard they just lost a boat being dumb so, good riddance. Not sure where I am going but I am leaning towards the all Ork clan mainly just so I know my enemies (non orks) and have a city to farm mats and defend from fgts.

Looking to get STR and WIS to 30 today, buy the skills, finish the +2 WIS quest, get more steedgrass, farm more goblin scouts (for +STR quest), make more banded, kill more skeleton archers. Possibly find a selentine chest to use one of my 2 keys on. Etc.

I’d love to take the time to really put a lot of thought into my writing but, if I do that now then I lose precious play time! MFKERS!

FLURDY FLURDY FLUR

BORK BORK BORK

Did you know that you can put bacon on a regular ol Sub sammich? Me either, but I am now a fan.

I have been putting off this post because I don’t have the video. It’s hard to lie to you guys as much as I do. Well actually it is pretty easy, but it’s hard to come back and admit it lol. However, I’ve been given a bit of motivation. I commented over at Syncaine’s place in leet speaks and it was received quite well. So who knows.

Guess what I figured out? I’m less insane than a lot of MMO gamers. I’d like to thank the definition of insanity for this win. BTW it is the Einstein’s definition which goes: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

My brother is still playing UOWoW.com, I don’t know why, but he still is. He’s the leader of his own guild, he’s about to win some contest, he’s into it. I get it. But what does he do everyday? What could he be doing differently everyday that makes it not boring?

After about 20 levels in an MMO you pretty much do the same thing for the rest of your play time. Press 1-= and ALT+1-ALT+= and CTRL+1-CTRL+=. Not everyone gets three bars deep in the shiz, but it’s pretty much the most you can handle. Most people deal with 1-0 and ALT+1-ALT+5, that’s my opinion, I don’t have any facts or data to base this off of, it’s just something I’m pretty damn sure of.

Seriously, how is that ever going to be fun? You will always kill a green/blue/yellow (most of the time). You even kill oranges most of the time. To be quite honest, most games even let you kill reds nowadays too, you just finish with lower HP. They’ve taken out the one variable you had to not be considered insane, the possibility of a different result. For yellows you always press 1 then 2 then 3 then 4 and 5 when it is available. So you killed that even con mob pretty easily, wonder if you can take the orange eh? 1, 2, 3, 4, and sometimes 5. Heeey, he died too, my HP is just lower this time than with the even con mob. Man, talk about exciting.

Here is why I’m less insane. I play FPS games. Check out my Xfire, I played 12 hours of CS:S just last week. “That’s not any different BONEHEAD, you hit the same keys too!”

HURRRRRRRR. You’re right, I do hit the same keys, over and over and over. I even expect different results each time. Well, to be honest, I expect the same result every time, to kill that fucker, but I always get different results. So I’m less insane. Because I do the same thing over and over again and I achieve different results.

How often do you get different results in your MMOs? Not very often huh? Aww shucks, poor lil feller. Could you imagine if you did get different results? You would be fucking pissed wouldn’t you? Because lets face it, the only different results are win and lose. There’s not much middle ground there. You have to win all the damn time in MMOs because if you don’t they’re not fun. Why?

Well, because the game isn’t fun if you lose. There are a fuck ton of games that are still fun when you lose, but not MMOs. They’re made to take a looong time, because they’re designed to create a steady flow of income, which means paying money for it every month. The game isn’t originally designed for fun. The whole model is what can we make them do that will make them want to pay $15 every month?

What happened to games being hard? Anybody ever hear of the Mike Tyson game where you couldn’t beat him? Anyone ever been to a carnival? Arcade? Ever play a sport against anyone? The game needs to be hard to be good at, hard to win. Nowadays we have games that you CAN’T LOSE in. I mean I understand the need to feel special, but come on, there is a reason humans are wired to feel bad when they lose, so they can learn from it.

What are today’s games teaching the youth? Don’t worry kids, you’ll never fail! Everything is just so easy! You lost?!?! That person MUST BE CHEATING!

It is not looking good parents. You better keep your discipline hand strong these next few decades, or else we’re all screwed.

Oh and I’m less insane than you because you always win and I sometimes lose (though I’m pretty sure the losses are just figments of my imagination).

Y Halo Thar!

Guess what? Random as shit time again! Huzzah!

I hate WoW players who complain about WoW and their precious dailies. Don’t you know that Blizzard is never wrong? Dumbasses.

Hey guess what? Chicken butt! Haha, I got you you fucker!

I don’t want a large Farva, I want a god damn liter of cola!

Liter is french for give me some fuckin cola before I break your fuckin lip!

Ahh, good times. Anyways, let’s try to make fun of WoW people more, because, well, just because.

Ooo look at me, I’m a night elf mohawk, durrrrrrr. Yeah way to go guy, you’re cool like Vern Troyer. BTW, Austin Powers movies are officially gay now, which means so is mini me. I FLY DRAGONS!! LOL! Cool guy, go play Horizons or whatever the crap that magic dragon land shit was.

So I finally might actually be following through with something I’ve probably said I was gonna do like 20 times here. What might it be you’re obviously asking yourself (unless you’re one of my 4 loyal readers who stop by once a month like good loyal readers do)? Well I shall tell you….in the form of song!

I liek to play gaemz
I make my toons have funny naemz
I pwn teh newbehz in der face
I rape them mobs who stand in place
PvE is very hard
PvP means youre full of lard
because you have no life you fuck
i hates you guise its not just luck
i rhyme one line with the previous
not too talented but gdamn srs
yeah mofugga its der bonedaedz
kinda like das boot but more in my haedz
a before e except after pee pee
in your coke this aint no joke
im here to stay and i like subway
5 dollas fo life fuck that six dolla strife
motha fugga im fo real
this be bonedaed and heres the deal
i write the shit
you read the shit
then you comment on the shit
which lets me know you give a shit
now maybe its my fault when your thoughts arent provoked
but probably not cus my content is stoked
so as i said before i liek to play gaemz
and my naemz bonedaed cus i is insaenz

Thank you, thank you.

Oh wait, I didn’t even tell you wtf I might actually finally amazingly be following(ly) through with(ly). Let us try yet again!

My naemz bonedaed and i play teh gaemz
I type real dumb cus you dont hear me saez
if you did hear me saez youd be like wow
i dont believe he saez dat in my faez
but i will and its neat
so lets get off the e-street
and talk normal again
because its the new trend
see i like to get high
i also like to not lie
so i plan on getting high
while trying not to lie
about the games i play
every single gdamn day
see my fiances digi cam
records videos, yes it can
i just found out yesterday
so i might film the first today
i’ll maybe hide my face
so the cops dont find my place
paranoia makes me crazy
but i am pretty damn lazy
so we shall see sometime soon
maybe if i decide to

wiener wiener wiener butt. in yur butt of the chipmunk butt.

wut wut.

DAoC is pretty cool. I love this classic server because Bonedancers have the 4 sec life tap yet again! Huzzah! I have a guy on the live servers named Forsectap but his life tap has a recharge of 8 seconds I believe. Talk about gay. Anyways, I can solo purples for fun because I steal their life every 4 seconds and it uses a very small amount of power. neat neat amirite? Riveting shit huh? I thought you’d think so.

Bai2us.

RPers wonder why they’re made fun of

I came across these two love birds right outside of Bree in the middle of the road. Odd place for a picnic I’d say. I wonder if he actually opened his character sheet and chose to “hide” his cloak. What about the floor though? I mean she’s sitting down but it’s definitely going to look like the ground and not a cloak because you can’t drop items on the ground in games anymore. DAoC is the last game I can think of that puts it’s items on the ground. So they tried to RP but technically the game didn’t even support it. Tough break Romeo.

My LotRO weekend!

I played quite a bit this weekend. Nevermind my Xfire, I turn that off sometimes. Mainly when I’m really stoned and feel like my internet is lagging, I’ll close anything and everything. Steam? Fuck you, probably downloading some stupid old game update. Xfire? Let me guess, still automatically updating “insert game here that I used to play” even though I fucking disabled that shit. Turbine Download Manager? Nope, can’t close that, the one program actually uploading shit, it might close my game! Can’t risk trying, might have to log back in!

My Rune-keeper is now level 19. I began doing the Epic quest. I’m currently on I believe Chapter 11 of Book 1, which is the first group necessary quest in the chain (I believe). I tried to solo it though, because I didn’t realize I had blown through the other Chapters that quickly. But now, I’m starting to think I’ll just level way ahead and come back so I can solo it. But why Bonedead? Why oh why would you want to solo in such a group friendly game? Because I still hate people, I’m sorry.

I have 200/200 Apprentice Scholar on my Rune-keeper. I got Weaponsmith to 60 or so Apprentice. Which I have since abandoned. I needed Bronze bars, but I couldn’t make them, so I bought 50 copper bars, whoops. So I spent all my money on Bronze bars and gear and twink gear. Whoops. So I rolled an Elf Champion for dual wielding badassery, and trained Two-handed weapons. Whoops. I then found a purple Spear assuming it was a two handed weapon (thanks DAoC!) and equipped it. Then I realized I had a low level sword in my off hand and checked my woodworking to see that I can make another spear for a simple 2 Rowan wood. So I go to find Rowan wood and then realize I probably can’t gather it because I’m not a Forester.

So I ponder creating another alt to handle that profession. I do not. I quested out of the Dwarf starting lands and I’m now in Bree. It turns out I’ve done all of these quests before, so much for running into new content. I go to Trestleridge or whatever and gather quests. These quests are red yet I still attempt them. I almost complete two when I die to red orcs. I teleport to the Lone lands. I have done these quests before. I am almost finished with all of these quests, after which I intend to return to Thistleridge or whatever. After there I’ll return to Bree and do that book shit.

I hate my Champion at first, because I wanted a class that can take multiple mobs at once, like a badass, and I get hurt a lot doing that. Heavy armor here I come! As soon as I do my Journeyman Scholar quest I can make better heal pots, and mail them to my champion!

I canceled my sub, so I don’t get charged again while I’m too high to remember it’s been a month. I could see myself going alt crazy for professions and being fine with that. I could see myself playing this game for a little while and not getting bored, though I already have gotten bored on more than one occasion. I made my Champion yesterday and was level 8 in one hour.

I like naming characters by following the rules at character creation screen. Because every combination of the provided prefixes and suffixes is taken, so you have to get creative. My champions name is Borabar, and I think that name is pretty sweet.

I’ve grouped three times. Once I didn’t want to. Another time I didn’t want to. The third time I wanted to, but just so I could kill the mob in 2 seconds and not get hate tells for not grouping before killing it. I disbanded immediately after, and the guy followed me. Why? Apparently he just wanted to say Good luck, aww, how sweet.

I wish I got more whacks at copper and tin deposits. I don’t like using food but have started to more often. On my Rune-keeper I have two of the purple horn items that grant +10 radiance, on my Champion I have one and threw the other “this item starts a quest” item away. I hate how at level 15 your pocket item that increases your run speed must go bye bye. I like getting traits/deeds/titles.

I prefer farming humanoids as they have better loot tables. As soon as my Weaponsmith is Journeyman he can make a purple 2h axe recipe that I found, hopefully this happens when he is 16 so he can use it immediately. Hopefully the ingredients are crazy fuckin expensive.

Monster play is pretty lame. I got 2 deathblows I believe, which was pretty lame and stupid. More freeps enter the ettenmoors now than I’ve ever seen, and that makes dying easy. Respawning across the map is gay. Playing a gimped mob who has to team up with other gimped mobs is gay.

Fishing is pretty lame too. I’ll get a bite and no matter how quickly I press the fishing button again, I can never make the animation look fluid. Ever. I always get a bite, my pole bends back to straight, and then I jerk it (little graphic, eh?). Because when I set the hook in a fish, my pole is always straight.

I’ve caught about 15 goldfish, 3 minnows, 20 weeds, and 2 broken daggers. I have about 8 fishing skill out of 200. I feel like I wasted a lot of time fishing.

People who play songs you know are fucking awesome. I was chillin at Thrasi’s lodge when I saw a crowd start to gather around this dude wailin away on his Lute. I joined the crowd and began listening, trying to figure out what song is being played. This may lose me some man points but I don’t care, I’ll lose more shortly after. The song he was playing was Too Late by I think One Republic (whoever that is). You know the one, it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late (timbaland timbaland timbaland– that’s what he’s saying right? who knows lol, definitely not saying too late). I showed Melanie and she thought it was pretty fuckin cool too.

Then she told me it isn’t a Justim Timberlake song, and I felt gay and sad at the same time.

I’ve run into a few others playing at the Prancing Pony and didn’t like a single one. Because they sucked at picking good music that wasn’t some gospel choir song.

I plan on eventually playing cool music in public. Maybe find out how to do Benny Hill and just follow people around playing it. I fully intend to annoy people with my music.

I want to see shit from the movie already.

I forgot the story takes place during the movies (or the books for those anal fuckers just waiting to correct me).

I’m a bit disappointed that I left my Xfire off the whole weekend, because I played a fuckin lot-ro. Lol get it. Man I’m clever.