Did you know that you can put bacon on a regular ol Sub sammich? Me either, but I am now a fan.

I have been putting off this post because I don’t have the video. It’s hard to lie to you guys as much as I do. Well actually it is pretty easy, but it’s hard to come back and admit it lol. However, I’ve been given a bit of motivation. I commented over at Syncaine’s place in leet speaks and it was received quite well. So who knows.

Guess what I figured out? I’m less insane than a lot of MMO gamers. I’d like to thank the definition of insanity for this win. BTW it is the Einstein’s definition which goes: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

My brother is still playing UOWoW.com, I don’t know why, but he still is. He’s the leader of his own guild, he’s about to win some contest, he’s into it. I get it. But what does he do everyday? What could he be doing differently everyday that makes it not boring?

After about 20 levels in an MMO you pretty much do the same thing for the rest of your play time. Press 1-= and ALT+1-ALT+= and CTRL+1-CTRL+=. Not everyone gets three bars deep in the shiz, but it’s pretty much the most you can handle. Most people deal with 1-0 and ALT+1-ALT+5, that’s my opinion, I don’t have any facts or data to base this off of, it’s just something I’m pretty damn sure of.

Seriously, how is that ever going to be fun? You will always kill a green/blue/yellow (most of the time). You even kill oranges most of the time. To be quite honest, most games even let you kill reds nowadays too, you just finish with lower HP. They’ve taken out the one variable you had to not be considered insane, the possibility of a different result. For yellows you always press 1 then 2 then 3 then 4 and 5 when it is available. So you killed that even con mob pretty easily, wonder if you can take the orange eh? 1, 2, 3, 4, and sometimes 5. Heeey, he died too, my HP is just lower this time than with the even con mob. Man, talk about exciting.

Here is why I’m less insane. I play FPS games. Check out my Xfire, I played 12 hours of CS:S just last week. “That’s not any different BONEHEAD, you hit the same keys too!”

HURRRRRRRR. You’re right, I do hit the same keys, over and over and over. I even expect different results each time. Well, to be honest, I expect the same result every time, to kill that fucker, but I always get different results. So I’m less insane. Because I do the same thing over and over again and I achieve different results.

How often do you get different results in your MMOs? Not very often huh? Aww shucks, poor lil feller. Could you imagine if you did get different results? You would be fucking pissed wouldn’t you? Because lets face it, the only different results are win and lose. There’s not much middle ground there. You have to win all the damn time in MMOs because if you don’t they’re not fun. Why?

Well, because the game isn’t fun if you lose. There are a fuck ton of games that are still fun when you lose, but not MMOs. They’re made to take a looong time, because they’re designed to create a steady flow of income, which means paying money for it every month. The game isn’t originally designed for fun. The whole model is what can we make them do that will make them want to pay $15 every month?

What happened to games being hard? Anybody ever hear of the Mike Tyson game where you couldn’t beat him? Anyone ever been to a carnival? Arcade? Ever play a sport against anyone? The game needs to be hard to be good at, hard to win. Nowadays we have games that you CAN’T LOSE in. I mean I understand the need to feel special, but come on, there is a reason humans are wired to feel bad when they lose, so they can learn from it.

What are today’s games teaching the youth? Don’t worry kids, you’ll never fail! Everything is just so easy! You lost?!?! That person MUST BE CHEATING!

It is not looking good parents. You better keep your discipline hand strong these next few decades, or else we’re all screwed.

Oh and I’m less insane than you because you always win and I sometimes lose (though I’m pretty sure the losses are just figments of my imagination).


Y Halo Thar!

Guess what? Random as shit time again! Huzzah!

I hate WoW players who complain about WoW and their precious dailies. Don’t you know that Blizzard is never wrong? Dumbasses.

Hey guess what? Chicken butt! Haha, I got you you fucker!

I don’t want a large Farva, I want a god damn liter of cola!

Liter is french for give me some fuckin cola before I break your fuckin lip!

Ahh, good times. Anyways, let’s try to make fun of WoW people more, because, well, just because.

Ooo look at me, I’m a night elf mohawk, durrrrrrr. Yeah way to go guy, you’re cool like Vern Troyer. BTW, Austin Powers movies are officially gay now, which means so is mini me. I FLY DRAGONS!! LOL! Cool guy, go play Horizons or whatever the crap that magic dragon land shit was.

So I finally might actually be following through with something I’ve probably said I was gonna do like 20 times here. What might it be you’re obviously asking yourself (unless you’re one of my 4 loyal readers who stop by once a month like good loyal readers do)? Well I shall tell you….in the form of song!

I liek to play gaemz
I make my toons have funny naemz
I pwn teh newbehz in der face
I rape them mobs who stand in place
PvE is very hard
PvP means youre full of lard
because you have no life you fuck
i hates you guise its not just luck
i rhyme one line with the previous
not too talented but gdamn srs
yeah mofugga its der bonedaedz
kinda like das boot but more in my haedz
a before e except after pee pee
in your coke this aint no joke
im here to stay and i like subway
5 dollas fo life fuck that six dolla strife
motha fugga im fo real
this be bonedaed and heres the deal
i write the shit
you read the shit
then you comment on the shit
which lets me know you give a shit
now maybe its my fault when your thoughts arent provoked
but probably not cus my content is stoked
so as i said before i liek to play gaemz
and my naemz bonedaed cus i is insaenz

Thank you, thank you.

Oh wait, I didn’t even tell you wtf I might actually finally amazingly be following(ly) through with(ly). Let us try yet again!

My naemz bonedaed and i play teh gaemz
I type real dumb cus you dont hear me saez
if you did hear me saez youd be like wow
i dont believe he saez dat in my faez
but i will and its neat
so lets get off the e-street
and talk normal again
because its the new trend
see i like to get high
i also like to not lie
so i plan on getting high
while trying not to lie
about the games i play
every single gdamn day
see my fiances digi cam
records videos, yes it can
i just found out yesterday
so i might film the first today
i’ll maybe hide my face
so the cops dont find my place
paranoia makes me crazy
but i am pretty damn lazy
so we shall see sometime soon
maybe if i decide to

wiener wiener wiener butt. in yur butt of the chipmunk butt.

wut wut.

DAoC is pretty cool. I love this classic server because Bonedancers have the 4 sec life tap yet again! Huzzah! I have a guy on the live servers named Forsectap but his life tap has a recharge of 8 seconds I believe. Talk about gay. Anyways, I can solo purples for fun because I steal their life every 4 seconds and it uses a very small amount of power. neat neat amirite? Riveting shit huh? I thought you’d think so.


Miscellaneous… A.K.A. random motherfucker

I just checked out FreeRealms again. I’m still #1, well I would be if I paid $5.00 which I just might do. However, if I do, I’ll be creating many more characters so that I can be ranked #’s 1-5 or however many characters you get. Yeah and I’m gonna make all of their names incredibly similar. I see that the top ranked players have changed quite a bit, someone has over 21000 now, but they’re still 600 points below me. I really don’t think these kids are trying hard enough. I mean, I’m 22 and I smoke a lot of pot. How on earth could my reaction time and hand eye coordination be better than a bunch of kids? I can never get as good at CS as I used to be, so that rules out the whole, I’ve still got it theory.

I’m a dumbass IRL. I almost threw away my relationship because I’m a tool shed. Now I just do what I’m told and uhh, leave the cave. I really like my cave though, it is very comfy. I’ve made an appointment to see my rapist again after a few weeks or a month hiatus. I don’t think it is going to do much, but we’ll see. When it gets to the point that I feel like I’m just talking to another friend, that’s when I should stop paying for it imo. Before I stopped it was as if I was going to school but I didn’t do my homework. He’d ask me what I needed today and I’d be like shit man I don’t know. Can you make everything awesome? How about a bunch of money? I don’t fucking know what I need that’s why I came to see you. I can only stress out about my required tasks so much. Eventually I just keep going because I get out of work an hour early.

Does everyone have to get mad at the things they are tired of or want to distance themselves from? When I take breaks from weed, I have to hate the shit and everyone who is pro it. I feel like I have to get mad at my therapist so he stops trying to reschedule me every week. My brother and his friends will say that any MMO I am playing sucks pretty much because it isn’t WoW or EQ1. My brother doesn’t even know shit about MMOs, but he still does it. One of his friends is one of those big queers that played EQ1 for 5 years but acts like they played everything a lot. I played that game for 5 minutes, it fuckin sucked. Okay WoW boy, enjoy your 10 years til max level and then your 10 years of raiding. See, you have to hate shit. I’m pretty sure you only have to do it because everyone wants to be right or everyone thinks they’re right. Technically we all are, because we had to make the decision to switch from game A to game B for ourselves. Guess what you told yourself before you did it? That it was the right decision. So when we start talking about our preferences with one another, their decisions conflict with our decisions, and the next thing we know we’re trying to shove each others’ games down the others’ throat.

Am I getting too old for online games? I’m sure the really old people would laugh their ass off at that, but I am kind of serious. It seems like every game community I glance at is plagued with a bunch of retarded high school failures who think they’re owed the world from everyone else. Do not go to suggestion forums ever! It is the worst fucking place in all of the internet. 95% of the posts you find will be kids requesting changes so that they can do better. They don’t even realize they’re doing it. They think that everyone already knows that it needs to be done. But they are not aware that they’re being selfish little entitled fucks. Shit, they probably think they’re doing the community a great service, because they found the obvious unbalance in the games code. Been there, done that.

I’ve been imagining myself diving into a community. Actually communicating with strangers and not holding back or fitting in, just being myself and seeing how it goes. In my fantasies it all works out great, the guild or community molds itself around me and accepts me, but I’m pretty damn sure that wouldn’t be the case. Some of my best grouping experiences in MMOs was when I grouped up with some Euro players in DAoC. They needed a Skald, and I have a level 50 one. I got on their vent and everything. I couldn’t understand one fuckin word, but it didn’t matter, because we all knew what to do (well, I didn’t, but they did heh). I find myself in a similar situation on my current free server, Uthgard.

It is an “international” server which means a fuck ton of Euros not from the UK with sprinkles of english speaking peoples. Still, there are tons of entitled retarded fucks, they just have horrible broken english now. Which kind of makes it less irritating I guess, more comical, but I can still decipher the shit and figure out that they’re stupid fucking kids thinking they’re pulling a fast one and that they’ll finally be OPed and awesome. Except they don’t consider being OPed a bad thing, to them it just means they’re good. Been there, done that.

Happiness is when your actions line up with your morals.

How does one go about “turning over a new leaf”? I sometimes consider sitting down and making huge lists. These lists will be like checklists for my life. Get up before 7:20, shower, brush teeth, be out of the door by 7:50. I would need sooo many though. Dirty a dish? Clean it before doing anything else. Trash? Empty immediately. Laundry as soon as the hamper is full. Car tires feeling funny? Get them looked at. Need to sign up for school? Fucking do it! Have you taken Melanie out recently? Do it. Work would be pretty difficult. Are you blogging? Stop. Are you reading blogs? Fucking stop it! Do everything you have to do and ask for more you lazy motherfucker. Easier said than done(el cop out?).

I’ve discovered that the Uthgard server is really incomplete. They plan on having the SI zones in, but they’re not done. There is not one named Tomte outside of Nisse’s at the camps nearby. Whole spawns are missing. Tons of quests are missing. Loot. Everything. The battlegrounds seem like the biggest joke. Thidranki allows up to level 46. Yep, the 20-24 battleground is open to level 46s. There is also a whole army of give it to me now kiddies who just want to stay in the BGs all day long. What I believe is that the staff listened to their requests in the beginning, unaware that they would never want to leave. Now the staff is complaining that the players are complaining.

The one thing I wanted was the ability to go up to named guards after level 10, target them, and /s task. You used to get a task to go kill a blue mob in the surrounding area, you’re given a direction and everything, plus when you return you get an uber XP reward and a decent amount of coin. I’m pretty surprised that it isn’t in.

I believe one of the biggest problems is that the server is billed as a Classic server. I have a feeling the majority of the vocal players didn’t play the game in it’s first year or two. Even the ones that did are confusing features from years 3 through 6 (or however many years its been out) with features from the first couple years. Tireless is supposed to be an RA not a passive ability most classes get. Boats and griffins are not supposed to be in the game. Nor is spellcrafting and alchemy.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. Do I even enjoy playing these games? Isn’t it just the same damn thing painted a different way, maybe with a different shape every now and then? I find that I’ve had the most fun in online games when I am either playing with RL friends (which hasn’t happened very often since high school) or if I feel like I’m somehow getting the upper hand over people. I believe the upper hand feeling is usually attributed to me being OP. Sometimes it is because people are simply stupid or nervous in a fight, but those don’t feel as good. In Scoutzknivez it can feel really good though. However, it usually ends up ruining my own fun.

There are some players who are pretty damn good at Scoutzknivez. They join the server and see how many kills they can get before they die, sometimes they get in their 20s before it happens. What I like to do is lower their morale. Because it is such a real thing in games, it really is, I don’t have any proof but I guarantee you it exists. Many people care about their kill:death ratio in CS, but CS is a random game, you can be awesome but a newb across the map can spray and kill you. That is just the way it is, and I have accepted that, unlike the majority of the players striving to be good. You will see people retrying a lot, because it resets their score. Some will even join the opposite team after retrying just so they can have a good score even though they’re obviously stacking the team.

I don’t get how they can lie to themselves into thinking they’re better than they are, but I don’t get a lot of things. Anyways, I like to kill these people. I make it my mission, because it can be pretty hard. Especially when you’re almost always on the losing team, which means you’re out of the door faster, which means the whole enemy team aims at you before they see your teammates. It can get tough, but that’s how I like it. Usually when I kill them they have to say something, they have to, they can’t not say something. It’s funny because they’ll even be better than me at times yet they will always say something when I kill them. It’s basic psychology, they feel threatened, they’re defending their pride or whatnot, I get it. But I also think it is funny.

Another part of that is my score. I’m usually showing more deaths than kills, yet I’ll be the only person killing the best dude on the other team. They see my score and instantly say it was luck. Because how could someone with a score that bad kill them, amirite? Problem is (finaly the point) that they’re sore losers. They’ll quit, take their friends with them, and before I know it the server is empty save myself and a few newbs. So I kill my own fun.

Last week I was playing a lot more Scoutzknivez and the regular good people began to realize that I always do that (even though I’ve been playing there for 4-5 years and I’ve seen them all many times before). Then I began being a member of the stacked team. Why? Because they’d join my side. So I’d try switching sides when it became so obviously unfair, few rounds down the road and now the other team is quitting. Why? Because they switched to my effin team again. Some of them don’t do that, some of them do it because they don’t like me sneaking up on them and raping them, others because they like me. My favorite time is when the teams are fair, each having a few good guys, and if I still win. That’s the money.

Anyways, that’s about it for today. I’m considering a new blog for a new avenue of expression, but you know me, I do everything I plan on.


Life without quests

I started playing on a free DAoC server this weekend named Uthgard. It is billed as a “Classic” server meaning most of the newer expansions do not apply. Such as Trials of Atlantis and it’s Master Levels along with Artifacts (which are the items you leveled up). It also excludes Darkness Rising and Labyrinth of the Minotaur, though you can use all of these clients to connect to the server. It is very close to the official Classic servers except that it lacks the Catacombs expansion which includes the underground capital cities and the task dungeons which make leveling so much easier. I do not yet know if the Shrouded Isles are supported, I know the client is not, but I’ve yet to venture to Nalliten and attempt to port over to Aegirham. I plan on doing this soon as SI has better drops if I recall correctly.

Most quests do not exist. The one quest in Vasudheim that did exist was… wait for it…. The Sveabone Hilt Sword quest! Huzzah! Everyone loves that quest. I believe you can request quests to be added on the forum, as well as items (presumably items that are supposed to be ingame), but I’m not about to request shit. I think my character may be bugged as I do not have an Epic quest from my class trainer, oh well. I haven’t seen a quest in the last few levels either.

It is quite the eye opener, not having quests. I debated giving up very early on. I could not respec on demand so I couldn’t fight the insect mobs due to using a sword which does not get pluses. I could have with a minute downtime in between mobs, but I wasn’t about to accept that just yet. So I had to branch out from Mularn. I went to Vasudheim and rode down the road towards Audliten. Here I found the Sveawolf mothers that I remember grinding on many years ago, they conned blue and since they were animals my sword got bonuses each hit. At first when you see that one kill only gets you about 4 percent of a level it is a bit of a morale killer. However, once you start paying attention to the loot, start chaining mobs until you have a sliver of HP left before you rest, then you’ll begin to notice that your xp bar moves along quite nicely.

I’ve rolled a troll skald and I’m currently using a 1h Sword/Shield (though Skalds cannot spec shield, it still blocks every now and then). I took a boat over to Fort Atla to attempt to continue a quest to no avail. From there I went to the beach with the wee wolves and Huldu, I killed many of them. I move a bit back to the Pine Imps that conned orange which I could solo, but soon moved beyond them to the road. Along the road I discovered Dryad Sprigs which dropped Engraved Bracelets that added 8 to hit points. Once I had two of these I went beyond the road to see the Svartalf camps, but the mobs still conned red and purple. So I boated back to Vasudheim. From here I ran towards Nisse’s as I’d figured level 7 has to be close enough.

Before I made it there I ran into some Roaming Thralls which conned yellow and dropped rings that added +3 to con. I don’t believe I attained two yet as they did not drop nearly as well as the bracers. I was basically taking a stroll down memory lane. This road with Tomte camps is a road I am terribly familiar with as I spent the majority of my first months subscription there. I wanted to check out the Silverscale drakelings but they were conning red as well. One of the tomte camps had a ton of green con Thugs and Scavengers which I killed a lot of, but watch out for those purple con mfkers right next to them! From there I swam out to the island which has the entrance to Nisse’s on it. I found a bunch of green Thugs and yellow Skirmishers which I farmed until level 8. One of the Thugs dropped Pillager’s Sleeves which friggin rule so much ass, something that hasn’t happened in years. So here I am decked out in classic world drops and I’m excited about it. It is really a great feeling, like using a time machine.

I’m terribly excited to relive my past time in DAoC. I view it as having a second chance to reach level 50 without the increased XP gain that Catacombs gave me. I can’t wait to get some more of that sweet ass Tomte loot yo!

Age Restrictions and Strict Entrance Policies in MMOs

If a new MMO or perhaps even a new server in your favorite MMO came out announcing that they only wanted to cater to mature adults by having a strict entrance exam, would you be interested?

Can you imagine a game like WoW without the dreaded “Barrens chat” or the Trade channel? Seems pretty good right? I thought you’d like that.

What if every game’s servers were divided by age? What if each MMO had a long ass test you’re required to take that gave you a mental age allowing you access to either adult and child servers or if you’re immature just child servers?

What if all of the people who act so damn entitled to everything were on their own goddamn server? That would probably make you feel pretty damn good wouldn’t it?

I bring up this topic (which I’m sure has been discussed elsewhere in great detail) because of the recent SWG CM fiasco along with Ixo’s racist run in. Nobody wants to have to deal with shit like that. The SWG CM shouldn’t have to pretty much be the teacher of a class of fuckwads. One wrong move and the kids go home to mommy who calls the principal and then you’re in trouble because the kids are blatantly disrespectful due to their parents sucking ass. You try and instill some discipline and the kids feel like they’re being attacked because they’re so used to being coddled.

Which is almost the same reason kids think it is funny to be racist little fucks on the internet. Their parents aren’t there. There are probably tens of thousands of teenagers raising each other on the internet. Their parents aren’t talking to them about the ways you should act but online it is just one big fuckin party. I’ll be the first to admit to being one of these kids. It was fucking sad the things I used to do to feel accepted by my peers online. It is the parents’ fault for not being there just as much as it is the kids’ fault for going along with it. You know it is wrong, but you’re the majority, so you can somehow tell yourself that it is okay. Besides, it isn’t like anyone is going to hunt you down and beat you up.

These kids aren’t going to change unless they’re shunned which is hard to do when they outnumber you, and that is usually the case (unless you’re not playing WoW and a few others).

Why should your ignore list have to have 50 fuckin names on it? I don’t think it should. Could you imagine a peaceful global chat experience in an MMO?

I once played on an RP UO shard where you had answer a questionnaire in character. I don’t remember any of the BS we see today happen on that server.

So why can’t we separate the players by age/maturity level? Because it would take too much time? Cost too much? Negative customer feedback? Discrimination? Who knows. But I think it would kick ass.

RPers wonder why they’re made fun of

I came across these two love birds right outside of Bree in the middle of the road. Odd place for a picnic I’d say. I wonder if he actually opened his character sheet and chose to “hide” his cloak. What about the floor though? I mean she’s sitting down but it’s definitely going to look like the ground and not a cloak because you can’t drop items on the ground in games anymore. DAoC is the last game I can think of that puts it’s items on the ground. So they tried to RP but technically the game didn’t even support it. Tough break Romeo.