Who wants to touch me?

I feel like PUBG’s rating/ranking system is a perfect representation of your actual skill level.  Here’s my proof:

This is fine

Apparently I’m just naturally one of the best players in NA.

 

aaaand a bonus screenshot of my previous rank for giggles:

hurr durr get it

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Herpaderpadoo

Time for a mind dump.

D&D

I lost my first character in D&D.  We were playing the Strahd campaign and we got to the Shambler or whatever, the plant amalgamation that can potentially kill the whole party.  Then, I dun goofed.  I had gotten eaten which is kind of expected when you’re melee I guess.  But while I was inside the beast with like 7 health left I spent all 15 points of my lay on hands to heal myself, putting me at 22.  Then the Wizard Tortle shot some fire bullshit at it which happened to deal 14 damage to me too because I’m in the plant monster.  So I really only healed for 1.  As the beast was weakened I managed to free myself from it, landing on the floor prone.  My action had been spent to break free and I asked how standing up would affect my movement, I was told it would take half of it.  So I stand up, with my 8 HP, and I think “Man, this big fuckin mean piece of shit is going to kill me if I don’t GTFO”.  So I try and run away completely forgetting what would happen next.  The Shambler got an attack of opportunity and bam, I was down.  But I wasn’t dead yet!  Unfortunately when it was the Shambler’s turn again (in the room with ghost cultists shouting to be appeased with a sacrifice caused by the Shambler — establishing it has a history of solely existing to cause death) it decided to snuff my life from my limp body.

It was deserved.  I forgot about attacks of opportunity due to fear and I took 14 damage from a friendly character.  After the fight the DM says I am in a room with 2 doors, one has light coming from it and one does not.  A voice I don’t know says I can take the door without light and return to my companions, at a price.  The other door would lead to my God’s domain.  My character had been pretty freaked out since he got transported into this crazy world so I figured he would just say fuck it, I tried, GG and peace the fuck out.  So that is what I chose.  When he walked through the door of light the light disappeared and the voice says there is no relief and no escape then laughs maniacally.  Pretty cool.  I’ve rolled my stats for my next guy but not sure what I’m gonna be yet, got 18 STR and 18 CON so probably fighter/barbarian but I’ve got 13 WIS too plus I get a feat, so maybe if I chose a good Race/Feat combo I could make a Melee Ranger or something.  Who knows.

GTA 5

Anyways, I’ve also been playing some GTA 5 “online”.  I put online in quotes because I fuckin hate playing in sessions with other people cus they’re a bunch of fucks.  Either they have millions to spend on rocket bikes with rocket launchers on them or they can fuckin cheat and delete all my money OR even give me hacked money which could potentially lead to me being banned.  So yeah, fuck other people in GTA 5 online.  For some reason Rockstar still thinks it is a good idea to require you to be in a public online session to even take part in some of the content (read: content that is worth doing) even though people have been complaining about all that bullshit for years.  “Luckily” there is a workaround to get in a solo public session, it is called resource manager and then suspending the gta5.exe process for maybe 10 seconds and then resuming the process.  If you do it right when you alt tab back into the game your screen should be spammed with xyz has left the game x500.

So doing that I created my own corporation and did VIP work (Headhunter and Sightseer) missions earning about 25k a pop per ~10-15 minutes.  The main point of the game is to make money so that you can buy new ways to make more money and I guess eventually once you can make enough money fast enough you can buy anything you want finally.  Like a stupid rocket powered rocket launching motorcycle or something.  Luckily you can do the VIP work missions in an Invite Only session so you don’t have to worry about buttfucks ruining your shit and having to alt tab suspend process resume process before you start anything “important”.  If you don’t know how to start an invite only session, start GTA 5 in story mode (single player) then press ESC, go to the Online tab, click Play Online, then choose Invite Only session.

Unfortunately to start a corporation you need an office, the cheapest of which costs $1 Million (a small loan).  Once you can do that though you need to grind up like, I forget, $250k maybe $500k for a Small Warehouse.  With that you unlock Illegal Goods missions where you pay to get a mission for 1-3 illegal goods which you need to pick up and transport to your warehouse.  There can be plenty of obstacles in your way from police to hostile NPCs to roaming NPCs carrying one of the goods spreading out.  If you’re doing it solo and you choose the 3 items mission you could end up only getting 1 or 2 because of a time limit and the fact that you can only carry one at a time (though I’d say most times the mission wont split them up and you can just grab the vehicle that holds all 3).  The biggest drawback here is that you have to be in a public session to do these things.  Once you get 9 items in your warehouse I would recommend selling those items.  You will have to do a mission to deliver the goods to the sale point, you will probably be attacked, if some fuckhead blows up you and your vehicle then you’re fucked so suspend/resume process right when you start it.

Once you’ve done that enough and have like $1.5 million you can buy a vehicle warehouse.  Just like illegal goods, sit at your laptop in your office, in a public session, and request a job.  For vehicles they call it Sourcing.  You source a vehicle, go steal it, possibly shoot some guys, and then take it to your vehicle warehouse while trying to not damage the car because you have to pay to repair it.  Once you’ve taken it to your warehouse you can use the laptop there to export it to a buyer, if you spend money to upgrade the cars appearance/add modifications you can get more profit from the sale.  But you also have to deliver it to the buyer and you will run into NPCs shooting guns at your pretty car cus they’re still mad you stole it.  The damage is deducted from your mission reward.  I just recently unlocked the Vehicle Warehouse and have been having fun doing that a bit.  Finally feels like I’m making good money.

Arma 3 Exile

I saw that Arma 3 Apex was on sale so I bought it for some reason.  I had an urge to play some Arma 3 Exile so I downloaded a million mods and the A3Launcher, found a server to play on and jumped in.  It was pretty exciting for the first few days.  They added roaming AI which are in vehicles and just drive around.  If you shoot at them theyll stop and all jump out and fuckin aimbot your dick off, unless you’re better.  There are also on foot AI that can spawn in little towns.  Apparently there can also be “good guy” AI that spawn in a town that will fight the bad guy AI, I may have seen this once but I wasn’t going to stick around to find out and just killed everyone.

That moment was pretty cool too.  I had approached a small town I wanted to loot that real players probably wouldn’t be at (trying to make money to I can build a base/stockpile before I go out with gear to lose).  I was still trying to get a hang of playing this game again so I went prone under some pine trees while I looked at the key binding menus and looked at shit.  Earlier I had picked up and equipped a radio.  So I’m going through the configuration menus and I start hearing footsteps crunching on leaves.  I close the menus and start alt-looking (looking around you while holding alt so that your player’s head moves but not the rest of his body) around trying to see wtf is up but I’m prone inside a tree so I can’t really see anything.  Then I get a message that my radio is picking up a signal.  I start hearing radio chatter that sounds like they’re looking for someone.  Footsteps still all around me.  Then I see a guy, he walks passed my tree and keeps going.  Another guy walks by in another direction a little bit after that.  I see the first guy has turned around and is practically coming right fuckin for me, at this point I’m shocked that being prone under a tree is actually working against aimbot AI.  Then the one walking towards me stops and starts shooting.

It sounded like the other guy could’ve been behind me so perhaps that is who he was shooting at.  But as I said before, I wasn’t about to find out, so I stood up and killed that guy, strafed around the tree I was by and took out the other guy as well.  I have no idea how the 2 aimbot AI didn’t kill me but I felt like a god damn superhero after that.  Looted their guns, walked into town and looted it as well.  I had bought a motorcycle capable of carrying some loot (though not being able to be locked) and hid it in some nearby woods.  When I had filled it and myself up I went and sold it all for maybe 3-4k.  I think a Safe is 10k, a flag to declare land yours is like 5k for the smallest territory, materials for building are probably like 20k for maybe a 1×1 room but really I have no idea.  So I still had quite a ways to go.

Another trip to the same small town resulted in vehicles driving by which I hid from because I thought they were players.  I later realized they weren’t and planned ambushing them.  I managed to win a few of them but I died my fair share as well.  One thing I learned was that if I didn’t break the vehicles and I killed all the AI, I could use their vehicle to store loot and then in town I could sell the vehicle + all the loot at the same time.  The first time I did this I made over 10k which obviously caused me to change up my plan.  I was now a professional roaming AI ambusher.  The biggest problem is an NPC with a sniper rifle because they probably won’t miss and if they hit you you’re probably dead.

I’d managed to buy a safe and hid it in the woods.  My bank capped out at 50k so I moved it all to my safe which can hold I think 100k or 120k, something like that.  I think I encountered my first player when I was transporting all of my money and it scared the goddamn shit out of me.  For some reason I only spent $50 on a fucking bicycle for my transportation vehicle.  So there I was riding a bicycle across a field towards the woods when I hear the sound of a big vehicle.  Suddenly explosions nearby, 3-4 smoky explosions a little behind me in the field.  I start bobbing and weaving, on a fucking bicycle, and somehow manage to escape into the woods.  It sounded like he tried to find a better angle on me as he kept firing barrages of explosions at me but once I got in the woods I just kept going.  I passed my safe so as to not inadvertently lead him to it, but after a bit I calmed down and made it back to safely deposit all my money.  Stressful.

I don’t know if I’m going to return and play this anymore.  PUBG is coming out on the 20th though that does lack permanence which Exile provides.  So we’ll see, I’ll definitely at least take a decent break because I haven’t played the new PUBG map cus willpower so I should be balls deep in that for a bit after it launches.

Hearthstone

I recently decided to give the Dungeon Runs a whirl in the Kobolds & Catacombs expansion or whatever the fuck you call it in a card game.  I gotta say it is pretty fun even though it is incredibly obvious that your OP items really matter a lot.  Almost to the point where I’ve considered just losing on purpose to start over and try to get an OP one after the first boss.  So far I’ve beaten it with Hunter, Rogue, and Mage.  Working on Warrior next which has been a little rough.  Rogue was the hardest for me, I needed a lot of Jade guys as well as permastealth to finally win.  Then I told my roommate that and he managed to win it his first try thanks to getting a lot of Jade guys.  Only had to try like 20 times myself lol.

Mage felt OP the whole time but then you would just lose for whatever reason while still feeling like you’ve got a good deck.  Hunter is my favorite since day 1 so I had to do it first.  Can’t even remember what I was doing for that one to win, I think +1/+1 all minions and start with an extra mana crystal maybe.  One thing that bothers me about this is that you literally get nothing from doing this.  Even if you beat a dungeon run with a deck, you get absolutely nothing.  Give me some fuckin gold you stingy bitches, what the fuck?  Oh you mean if I do it on all 9 classes I unlock a CARD BACK?!  WHOA WHAT A FUCKIN DEAL GUYS!  You mean I can change the back of my cards in the game mode that requires me to spend shit tons of money to even be remotely competitive?  Gee, thank you so fuckin much for being so fuckin generous.  Oh my daily quests don’t even complete in dungeon runs?  Good, I didn’t want that to work anyway, amirite?

I mean, I get it though, Blizzard really needs to make money so they can’t afford to give me even 5 gold per dungeon clear.  Literally just trying to play the game based on it’s merits, feels fucking weird.  Give me some gold you fucks!

Anyways, that is it, mind dump complete.  Hope all you google bots enjoy your holidays.