I’ll be honest, I didn’t really know a fuckin thing about Jeff Freeman. I didn’t talk to him anywhere besides in the comments of his blog and my own. There was one thing I did know about him though, and that was that he seemed a lot like me. He seemed like someone that I would want to be like when I got older, once I conquered the “troubles” in life, knew who I really was, and took a stand for what I wanted my life to be like. I guess I sort of constructed a fantasy of what his life was actually like.
Over the past year or so this blog hasn’t had many readers. Let’s be honest, I only know of 2 people who have checked my blog without seeing me say something stupid in a comment somewhere else and clicking my name. Those 2 people are Krones from Plaguelands and Jeff Freeman. Lets face it, Krones stopped a while ago (though I still ❤ him).
I actually think if it wasn’t for Krones that I never would’ve ever encountered Jeff Freeman.
I really am tore up inside which probably sounds pathetic to a lot of people, but it is just the truth. I don’t know why I post here most of the time, I think that I think if I continue to post that it will somehow better myself in the long run whether it be committing to things or perseverance through boredom or just to not doubt myself. I don’t know. All I know is that Jeff Freeman would be there to see what kind of shit I was spewing out of my mouth. That was the one thing I could count on.
My blog has gone to fucking shit since I started it and he hung in there with me. When I didn’t remember why I even bothered to post, he would be there.
We didn’t even fucking talk really, but for some reason he’d always have visited when I checked my stats. I don’t know why, I don’t think I ever said anything interesting.
I wanted to be like Jeff Freeman. He was my one small glimmer of a hope to be who I wanted to be, that I could fucking do it.
I’d like to think that he either saw something in me or was just nice enough a guy to show some fucking pity.
Regardless, Jeff Freeman has taught me a lesson. That I am a selfish bastard.
Rest in peace my friend, I wish I could’ve been there for you like you were for me.
Damn I am a seriously troubled/detached person. I guess my brain associated a lot of good feelings with a complete stranger, but I guess when you don’t allow very many people into your life you’ve gotta fill the voids somehow.