So I’m having this weird dream about partying or some shit, lots of people, a group goes somewhere else, and for some reason being outside of the house is terrifying and I fear like giant insects of doom. So, I’m out front in the driveway, and the driver of the vehicle that left earlier is coming back, he pulls across the driveway and looks at me out the window and says: “Better hurry, the cops are coming”. This makes me notices the head lights coming from behind him straight at me, as he speeds off. I dash for the front door as it starts to light up from the headlights and BEEP BEEP BEEP. My alarm wakes me up.
Damn was that shit scary. I’m not a law breaker, I don’t hurt people, I just smoke a little weed so, I’m afraid of the police. So my girlfriend gets up and goes in the shower, I plan on joining in a minute, I gotta stretch and such. Well, I’d been up maybe 5 minutes and BAM BAM BAM. Someone was banging on my neighbors door, or is it my door? (Apartments suck for telling such things) So I figure it’s for a neighbor and not me, but it continues, it isn’t stopping. So I then figure, must be some stupid neighbor who thinks we wake up too early/walk around stomping our feet (which we don’t and I couldn’t wait to make them feel stupid about suggesting such a thing), and i ignore them further thinking: “Fuck you neighbor”.
But the god damn banging doesn’t stop. So I walk to my door, wearing only white boxers (and my natural fatman outfit) and peer through my peephole. Well, they are banging on my door, and my neighbors, and my other neighbors across the hall. They are also 5 police officers. HOLY SHIT A BRICK BATMAN! I was so scared oh my god you have no idea how much cops make me want to shit my pants, it’s really unhealthy, I don’t know how it’s legal to instill that much fear in a person by just wearing a uniform but gdamn, I hate being that afraid of them. (Bad experiences as a youngling, jedi mofuck!) I somehow immediately had the courage to unlock my 3 locks and open then door. I didn’t once think about how I resembled every fucking trashy redneck I’ve ever seen on cops.
Sarasota Sherrif! The guy says as I slowly slide my door open. He proceeds to ask me about my neighbor (thank god I don’t talk to them!) and while telling them everything I know I choke up about two times because I’m so fucking nervous. Well, they realize I’m no help and leave me be. So I go to the bathroom and tell my girlfriend: “There’s like 5 cops outside our door!” Haha, you know, someone else has to feel my pain. So I got her good with it and then just say it was for the neighbor. I think the guy was home too, when we left we saw his porch sliding glass door open (2nd floor, seen from main road), so I’m thinkin he just didn’t answer his door.
Pretty crazy, pretty scary, pretty premonition motherfuckers! I HAVE THE POWAH!